Did Not See It - But Should Have

[RDS]

Journaling again.

It’s be about 2 weeks since I last posted. Not a whole lot to report, but on OTOH there is much to report.

My daughter accepted a job in TX and moved out Friday and she starts her new job tomorrow. When she first got the job I knew she would not only be moving out of the house again, but she would be moving halfway across the country. I was sad knowing that. I’m not sad anymore. I’m actually excited for her. It is not too depressing being in my big house alone as I thought it would be. In many ways it’s fun living the single life in my house.

There is a lot of work I want to do around the house, but I don’t see the point as it looks as if I will be selling the house soon.

My W and I have been communicating almost daily for the last 3 weeks and when we do talk it is for long periods. I really enjoy our conversations. She still hasn’t recovered since her hospital stay a couple of weeks ago as she can’t hold any food down. So her health has been a big part of our talks. But we do talk about other things.

Only mention of our R is she flatly told me she is not ready to talk about us getting back together since it’s only been 3 months and there is a lot of hurt she has to heal from, but she also didn’t outright claim our R is over forever. I validated and agreed with her as I know there are still lots of work I have to do for myself.

I admit it does get a bit tiring always being the person in the wrong.

We did have a lunch date today as I used my truck to pick up something she needed for her studio apartment. She was really appreciative of my help. I felt like a high school kid on his first date. I was so giddy being around her. I kept thinking just 3 months ago my mind would wander everywhere but to where I was with her. I caught myself looking at the clock counting the minutes we had together and dreading when we got home and she would go her separate way again.

I did ask her if we ever got back together would she want to move back into the house. She emphatically told me she never wants to move back in this house as she sees it as her prison she had to deal with for the last 5 years. That was a stake through the heart. This was our dream house we built to our specifications years ago, but I have to agree this house lost its magic years ago. It’s not a home anymore. It’s just a house I live in. I did comment that the house might have been a prison but she was free to come and go as she pleased. She agreed with that comment and she also said that the prison warden (me) was an a**hole most of the time but there were times where I was a good warden. Now I have to get this house ready to sell. There is a lot of work ahead of me to get that done in the next few months.

A new place to live is what I need to cleanse my soul.

I much prefer to talk and text with her. I love seeing and being with her but afterwards I want back with her in the worst way because being with her exposes what I don’t have anymore. It’s depressing.