10 Years Later - From a DB'er

[Maybell]

My story wasnt' meant to be prescriptive -- I was just telling you how it worked for me. I got lucky and met My Guy after two weeks -- but as I said, he waited five years for me. And he and I almost didn't get off the ground -- he was a little slow to pursue me at first I kept dating other people till he got where I wanted him to be.

As far as the candy store thing -- I got my share of lack of response, ghosting, etc. It was a candy store because I could go back and window shop and imagine what my life might be like with a guy like this or a guy like that. It wasn't that I had my pick of whatever I wanted. I just wasn't at all invested in getting dates. I did stretch my previous boundaries of who I was wiling to engage with, and I met two guys who seemed really nice online that I never went beyond the occasional message exchange with because I couldn't imagine how I, a woman with a graduate degree, would engage with someone who had only a high school diploma.

I will say this -- I went out with one guy who told me in advance that he had "a LOT of experience with first dates" -- and the single hour I spent with him was EXCRUCIATING. There was not one topic of conversation we covered in which he had not had some experience he found just utterly negative. We talked about books, movies, music, etc., and in every single one of those areas there was eye-rolling and sighing and a general aggravation with how the experience had worked out. He also blew up my phone with text photos of his adult coloring book of circus animals. It was awful. There is almost certainly nothing wrong with you but if a lot of your dissatisfaction bleeds out with your dates as it does here, that would be something to examine and get under control.

Like I said, though, I really just want to encourage you that one way or another, if there is something you are seeking you are meant to have it. But you have to invest yourself in being ready when it shows up. However you get there, whether it's online dating or just hanging out or whatever, if you're not the person you want to be to get what you want, you will not find it. You have to live like you're already complete.