Albac - 7 months in. Life goes on.

[CT1118]

albac - lots of traffic here. Surfer already illustarted the point I was going to make. I know you get it albac, but when I look at our threads and the number of "views" vs actual "posts" I am cognizant of the fact that many people come here and just read w/out us even knowing they stopped in. SO I am joining Hawker and giving Surfer's post another push. NC could mean no contact as in zero communication, but for most people it means you do not contact your spouse. They contact you, you get to chose at what level and for how long and while once contacted do the 180's. That is my interpretation and that is what I do.

Buxom wrote,"My WH and OW have fought because she saw pics of him and me together on a mini break in June, just prior to BD. I have every confidence that the r can implode without interference. We end up looking good and no drama by comparison!"

You are correct my LBS female friend. It will implode on its own. I do wish to note something though for the men. I think the effects on the OW from what LBS does will be different than w/ OM. Yes, men get jealous and they will either wonder what is wrong w/ them, or get aggressive/angry, or they will make a plan to turn things around on the woman they want. Men are not jealous of the other man directly - men are jealous of the OM being in a positive situation w/ the woman they want.
But women tend to be directly jealous of the other women. One of a woman's most respected treasure is her dignity. They have no issues dumping on another woman's dignity, but their own should be defended always.
So, the OW seeing pictures of a WH being happy w/ his W will make the OW call to question her role w/ that man and make her question her rep. This comes out as passive aggressive or directly aggressive action on the man. Unless the man is weak and can be controlled, seeds of his A being no better if not worse than his M and he may eventually choose the shared history and loving reasons of the M over the A.

W/ the LBS male, the WW's OM will most likely not get jealous of her H b/c she chose the A for emotional reasons. She engages and re-enforces those emotions around her OM and b/c the OM does not know the WW on a deep level, he is inclined to believe what he receives. Women all know what makes men jealous; sometimes they will do things on purpose to men to pulse check their R or they will make certain to avoid letting a man see behaviors that could make him jealous. For most men, seeing a picture of their 'girl' w/ another guy will make them pissed off at the guy, not direct jealousy of his 'girl'. Also, the WW is still sleeping w/ the OM and for a man, R sex w/ a woman always tells the man things are good in his R at least for now and resets any questions he had about how good or bad things are as well as boosts his ego/confidence.
Lastly and again, women want to protect their reputation. Which helps explain why the WW in an A will not tell the world about it, only to those BFF's who will support such and action. It is also why professionals recommend the LBS not exposing the A to friends/family or confronting the OM publicly - b/c this will shatter the WW's reputation and if you ever want her back, destroying her reputation will be the worst way to approach getting her to come home. No man ever suffered a stained reputation from an A for very long, women however are called to question their entire lives for one.