Albac broken but pushing forward

[hawker]

She said it would make the OW jealous and with everyone she has worked with the most people that reconcile have maintained contact instead of NC.

[ForGump]

Most people that reconcile have maintained contact instead of NC.

WOW !!!

Really interesting. Seems contrary to what I hear in the forum often. Will have to think about this.

Thanks for sharing.

[Buxom]

This would make sense to me to maintain contact. How else can WS see the changes and improvements?
In lots of ways I see the advantages to it by being able to have self control to end the convo first, show mystery, show confidence and a bonus of pi$$ing off OP. Being our best in front of OW can be empowering
My WH and OW have fought because she saw pics of him and me together on a mini break in June, just prior to BD. I have every confidence that the r can implode without interference. We end up looking good and no drama by comparison!

[Surfer]

Buxom makes a great point. Let whatever is attracting them repeal them. It will eventually. In the meantime just be the best version of you.

IMO In terms of NC. I agree this is tricky. I think it's about focusing on sufficiently little contact for them to miss you. I think the point here, in part, is to halt the bad interactions through NC and detach lovingly. Detaching and much less contact allows you to cool off the emotions, not stop loving, cool off. It's not necessarily total NC it's just leave it for a while. You don't play games, don't do anything really you just remain the kind decent person that you are - the one they fell for - but don't act like a H. Your WS does not want you as a H. You act like a Dad etc but not a H. You can do nice things but you only do nice things if it works for you. Otherwise just politely decline like you would with a nosey neighbour. You will get to a stage where you don't give a cr@p about the histrionics - you become the teenagers parent you are loving yet detached from the games. You still love the teenager but you just see the tantrum. Kind of hate the game don't hate the player mentality. Or that's how I see it.

But who am I, I am just in the same boat as you. Trying to figure it out.

[Cadet]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2696609#Post2696609