The seed beneath the bitter snows is me!

[2Times2Many]

I think I've had enough. I think it's time to walk away from this mess.

I went to an employee's birthday party tonight and there were a lot of people from the office there, including the one who managed to get weed for H a couple of trips back. I'll call him Joe.

I had an opportunity to talk to Joe, one on one with no one else around, and asked him if H had asked him to try to get anything other than weed. Joe said yes ... ecstasy. I was actually expecting him to say coke, so ecstasy was a shocker. Joe said he waited a couple of days and told H he couldn't get it (which was true - he wouldn't even try).

Joe also said he was peeved because he knew H lied to him about some other issues. (Joe is young and is one of the most honest and giving people I think I've ever known ... a delight and someone I'd be glad to call "son.")

Joe was on the verge of breaking up with his long time gf (and eventually did) when H was here last time. He said H was giving him "advice" and talked about his (h's) gf as though it was just a normal thing and Joe already knew about it. Of course Joe knew nothing about that.

Joe said he couldn't understand what was wrong with H and that I didn't deserve to be treated the way H was treating me.

So, once again, H can't even show me enough respect as to keep his adultery discreet in front of our employees. What the h3ll is wrong with this guy? That was the most difficult thing for me to get through last time ... finding out that all our employees knew he was cheating on me and I didn't have a clue. I felt like such a fool.

And this time I'm trying to "protect" H's reputation in front of his employees by keeping the new OW to myself and he's doing the same chit to me again ... making me look like a fool.

The other thing that has been going through my mind since H left last time was the possibility that he was using coke, as I mentioned above. He had a runny nose nearly the whole time he was here (said he had a cold, but had no other symptoms) and said he was having a problem with nose bleeds. He also had burst blood vessels in his eye several days, which he said he couldn't explain when people would ask if there was something wrong with his eye.

So H lies, not only to me, but to employees and probably everyone else who crosses his path. He is a manipulator who is trying to manipulate me into continuing to enable his frat boy lifestyle. He's a serial adulterer and has no problem in announcing it. And he's into illegal drugs. He is a scum. I have zero respect for him and absolutely no sympathy.

I deserve so much better than the SOB he's become.

I don't want him in my life. He's become toxic. He is destroying his life and I have no intention of letting him take me down with him. He didn't just press the self-destruct button, he pounded his fist on it and there is no fricking way I'm letting him destroy me too.

So sad. He was once a really good guy. I don't know what happened to him, but at this point, I think he's too far gone. I no longer think it's a case of MLC and he's going to work it out on his own. He needs serious therapy (which he won't get). He has serious issues and I don't need them to be my problem. I think it's best for me to get out with what I can while I can, because he will eventually destroy everything he's built and me too unless I do something to protect myself.

So the plan is to get my legal ducks in a row and proceed. It isn't where I wanted to go and it won't be an easy task, but this has to end. I've reached the end of my rope and I have to look out for me. I can't imagine ever having a R with or trusting H again. He's lost and it will take higher powers with more patience than me to save him.

I've stood by him, given time and the benefit of the doubt (over and over and over). I give up.