The Fight for Self II

[CT1118]

WW came over tonight around 6 to drop off S4. They came in ans as usual I acknowledged her w/ a 'hey' and then immediately bent down to be at eye level w/ S4 - hug, kiss, listen to what he has to say. WW has some of S4's things in her hands, I make no effort to assist and she sets them on the kitchen half wall. S4 ran off and as the last time I saw he he vomited all over my place for 4 hours (and I mean everywhere) it seemed prudent to ask WW about his health. I was making direct eye contact and standing up straight with hands on hips, always do during drop off - its neutral body language.

Her answer was pretty matter of fact, but while she was speaking she saw 3 syringes by my microwave and excitedly says "J. Chr., have you moved onto the hard sht!?" I stared at her for a few seconds, then very directly and calmly said, "In couple of days I will be 6 months clean of my narcotics addiction. Those syringes are filled with dental bleach as I have put down payments to have my teeth repaired (I broke out 3 teeth at age 21 while I was high and she was w/ me at the time). I told you that I was done with drug addiction and I meant it." Well, a knife could have cut the air of her embarrassment, but I did understand her surprise as I abused many different substances for a very long time.

Anyway, she apologized and then her face lit up in an emotionally proud smile and she told me how great that was. She also said how happy she was for me that I was having my teeth fixed. She began speaking about other things. As she leaned her weight on the her elbows and placed them on the kitchen divider I knew she intended to speak for a bit. I made a deliberate decision to mimic her body language, which is a subtle projection technique to apply w/ women when you want to show you are listening and want them to feel comfortable (can't be blatant but try it, see what happens, works on men in the office too, but there you take a position of agreement while you are verbally disagreeing). She was speaking about her family in a "fill you in way" and then she noticed my haircut and told me how much she liked it, moved onto comments about how clean my place was and how much she liked the shirt I was wearing - all this expressed at different points as she interrupted her own story to say them. Did my mimicry induce that? Not sure, but like I said, its one technique when you want to subtly stimulate results from people.I did go off DB script by asking some things about them (been a long time since I've seen them), but I was aware of it, allowed myself to do it, and was cool and neutral when I did it.

I do not usually have S4 on Saturdays, but she asked last Mon if I would take him for the night, clearly from my story I had agreed. After the banter about her family she brought up his schedule. I changed my posture back to the upright arms on side, the schedule talk usual gets serious and I was ready for it. I always have s4 on Sundays and Mondays, but said I wanted her to take him Monday night. Mondays have historically been an OM day for her. I said it on purpose, wanted to see what would happen. She put up a brief defense of that not being her night, but I said "Saturday nights are not usually mine. We have a schedule that is 4 nights on, 3 off and it flips every other Friday (Friday nights are the monthly flip to even it 2 on 2 off). You asked for a Sat night and I agreed, you also asked for next Sat and I agreed. So yes, I want you to take him Monday and then after next Sat is gone, we will go back to the agreed schedule". She continued with some bs about concern for s4 and keeping his schedule and while she was far from yelling,but she was frustrated - I could tell she was scrambling as what I said to her was point blank and true. My reply " we have him on a schedule that he is used to, tonight is what is taking it off track".

At this moment s4 came out of his room where he had been gathering toys for about 10 minutes. WW said good bye, kiss, etc. She postured like a hug was aimed at me, I switched back to leaning on the counter and said "talk to you later" Can't recall what she said, but instead of walking out she let go of the open door she changed subject and began talking to me again for a couple minutes. Then she did another s4 goodbye round and this time I put posture back to the upright. She looked again like she wanted me to approach for a hug, I could have and it would have been received, we were only about 4 feet apart. I just bent my right arm and held my hand up flat and said "see you later, have a good night" She left.

I went into this scenario with detachment feelings, when she left I felt like I had bested the time. I thought in my head "she will text, she walked out wanting to say more" Five minutes after leaving, phone make the got a text sound. Walking over to check accuracy, it rings - WW. I answered like it was a work call (I quit letting her know I knew she was calling a number of months ago by answering w/ my work greeting, as if I changed her specific ring and its just another call). "I'm sorry I was such a btch about the schedule thing, I mean I don't know if you thought I was being a btch and I don't know why I acted that way, its not fair to you and you were right. I also...well, you look really good, like you are really changing yourself. You're in shape again, you're sober. I mean, you look happy and you are taking care of yourself. It really great, I think its great."

Textbook DB Wonka style validation responses from me during the call. Feel good for the exchange, but "believe nothing they say and 50% of what they do" Still way to early in the game to do a touchdown dance, but I think I moved the ball forward a yard or two. Ended call, went back to s4 and making him dinner. Looking forward to taking him to the beach in the morning, maybe a nap, then some time at the pool. S4 is awesome.