This is all so confusing, I will keep detaching and getting my own life to live I just can't help but feel by the time she might be willing to work on us if that ever comes that I will be to far into my new life. Really don't know.
I have seen several LBH'S make a very similar statement about their concern that their feelings for the WW will be gone by the time she is ready for R. I don't get it. If you no longer feel in love with her and have moved on with your life...........then it's her loss.
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Sandi if you are around I would like you opinion on what you think my W is actually doing and what you think I should be doing. NC seems to be working and I will keep standing my ground on issues that I would normally cave in on.
Based on the information you have given, I would say she had unrealistic expectations in M. If her not being happy was the only thing she gave you as her excuse for leaving the M, then I would think she's looking for someone to "make" her happy in life. In the meantime, she plays these little games where she keeps one foot in the M and one foot in the single life.
I know you don't want to believe it, but I would not be at all surprised if she had been eyeing the OM before she left the MR. You've only been married for three years and have a two yr old baby. Something was motivating her to think she would be happier outside of the M.
Her actions tell me that she wants you for her BFF, but not her H.
I see how you want to be polite and nice to her, and I'm not saying that you shouldn't. I am saying that I think you are over doing the niceness. She interprets it as you wanting her bread crumbs and are available as her friend.
You are not doing enough to stop her from imposing herself on your time and life. She chose to leave it, remember? She should not have the same rights as she had as your faithful W, living and sleeping with you under the same roof. At this rate, she'll be remarried and still calling you, talking about what she did through the day......and about her and the new man in her life.
Hey, some people may see my posts as painting a bleak picture, but I am being honest and realistic with you, trying to help you see what doesn't work. It has been 7 months and she is no closer to going back home, b/c she thinks she can have you and also have OM.
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This is what makes it so hard we are both being so nice to each other it feels like we are both happy with how things are but I am not. And I don't really know how to express it without coming across as angry or grumpy and unattractive.
As I said, stop being so nice to her. You don't have to be nice! Just be civil when you are exchanging D2. Act like you have some power in your life. Act as if you don't want her, not interested, moving forward. Maybe you need to act as if you are the one walking away, b/c that is what usually happens that causes the WW to want back in the MR.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
