10 Years Later - From a DB'er

[DonH]

Maybell that was not a hijack at all. I greatly appreciate you telling me that story. I've heard things like this before but see that's the thing - it's just so foreign to me and to others I've talked with. I just can't for the life of me figure out why this online thing works for some and not for others? The widow I met last year that lives too far to make any R work found the same thing I have. In fact that is what connected us. I was not all that interested, not disinterested but just hanging out when she brought up how online dating was like "the land of misfit toys" and I was like - no kidding! From there we found out we have a lot in common. I am pretty sure we'd be dating if she didn't live 10 hours away.

I rarely if ever connect with anyone - they won't chat, won't return emails or if they do are gone as soon as they are there. Now I had a good experience last week where someone immediately wanted to talk on the phone - which i prefer anyhow. She was very nice just not my type. But for the most part I get nothing.

It was a kid in a candy store for you? See for me it's like a kid in an abandoned candy store - which may be worse. I'm really hoping for and expecting the candy and it's either been taken or I can't have any. I do a fair amount of weeding out but have met a dozen without a second date. I feel and sound like such a loser just saying these things - and then add to it this has never been the case for me in real life prior to D.

I've had that same "That's Me." They will list a dozen things they are looking for and 10 or 11 will be me. I think, wow its' all there- at least for them. I email and hear NOTHING back. That's often even worse yet. Once in a while I'll get back "I don't think we are a match" I don't ask but think to myself, how is that possible, I'm everything you claim to want. I'm thinking, I am pretty much everything you claim you want yet you won't even respond to an email? I just don't get it.

That again then just brings me back to what in the hell am I doing wrong? You did this in two weeks? I've done online (on and off mind you) since 2008. I've had my Match profile active for two years now - two straight years. I tried to quit at the start of this year and then they gave me that cheap offer to stay and I did. Still, don't get much at all. It's maddening - among other emotions.

I do wonder why God is doing this to me. The only thing that I do know is if I do find a solid match, I will not at all take it for granted. If this last 5 years has taught me anything it's that. It seems to be soooooo rare to find someone I truly want to spend time with that also feels the same. In fact, it's not really happened in a long, long time. So I do have that. I really don't want to get married again. I just don't. I never say never but if that is someone's goal they are better off passing me by as I likely am not going to give them what they want. That doesn't mean no commitment, etc. I just see no point in trying this again - especially since the D rate for 3rd marriages is nearly 80%, Yeah, no thank you. I'll pass on those odds.

I do feel myself pulling back - hopefully in a positive way like you are saying. I just really fear that what you and the others are saying will happen some day just is not going to. I look back at posts here from 2006 and 2007 with people saying that to me - and here we are 10 years later and I'm still waiting!