Thanks Andrew! Yup Manitoban. I'm starting to think this might be pursuing? I feel like I'm forcing the issue and I've been thinking about jamming out. So much should go wrong too. Like what if she falls all over him, then again she may not show up.... very confused. I agree I would have to sparkle. Can I do that? I'm kind of low right now.
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Reposting to correct errors... Ideas please... I blew it this morning and last night! WH and I made plans for this concert tomorrow evening. Now his AA buds invited him out to same concert and again he was torn between them and me, just like the movies August 8 previously documented here. He suggested that I join them. I agreed and was calm and positive. He then looked anxious (was he expecting me to say no?). He wondered if I'd be uncomfortable, I said "no, I've met most of them before." He said "maybe we should go together and he would just go visit them in the audience", it's an outdoor lawnchair type event. I said no that abandons me, I'm fine joining in. By now I felt entrenched and still wanted to go with him. I know I've clubbed my head with many 2x4s already... I asked if OW would be part of the group, he said maybe. She's supposed to be ex OW but I think an EA continues, just my fears and intuition. At my Alanon mtg this morning the ladies told me to back out, let it go and make other arrangements like go with another friend or do something else. I had felt good about stating my needs and sticking to my feelings in the discussion last night but felt less certain this morning. To add insult to injury, I woke early and WH did too. I said good morning and asked if I could join him in his bed for a cuddle. I know, old behaviours and it was needy and clingy. Hurts just to type that. I think I know the advice but let me have it anyway. I can take it.
I feel like my stomach is ripped open. I hate my pursuing and I hate feeling left out, left behind, and rejected. On the one hand I could show him how cool I am and fun on the other hand, he likely won't see it that way. I hate this!!
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Journal... saw IC yesterday and cried more than ever. Thru it all. Realized that I am still living for and thru him. He was the love of my life and I never thot that would change and yet it has changed. I've changed too and not for the best parts of me. So this week I have to take better care of me, and figure out how I will live despite loss and chaos.
Tonight is the concert. WH spoke of our going today in an upbeat manner. Then our couple friends wanted to join us and he was happy like I was. I said we would all 've together the AA friends and all. He said good idea, I had almost expected him to want to separate the group's but this way maybe all will be happy and will definitely make it better and easier for me. When the plan changed I made sure we spoke on the phone and heard the responses. Wish me luck tonight!
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Realized that I am still living for and thru him. He was the love of my life and I never thot that would change and yet it has changed. I've changed too and not for the best parts of me. So this week I have to take better care of me, and figure out how I will live despite loss and chaos.
OK I think you are close to figuring this out and I am just giving you a nudge.
Living your life through another person is not healthy.
Cadet, I know you are so right. It really does come thru layers of history. By the time I recognized I was living thru him he was well into first A. Then I kicked into fix it, nice girl mode ++. I let go of it while we were separated and then became dependent on him again thru the cancer treatments. So, no excuses here, I'm just recognizing how how hard it is to back off and not codepend. What I wouldn't give to redo the last 10-18 months!!
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Cadet and anyone... Question, is it pursuing or R talking to ask for collaboration or question him when he brings up a topic? Is it ok during the convo only or can I bring up more questions later? He has revealed to me, questions he is having with his sexuality, stemming from the early incest. He has asked for my support and to walk this path of exploration with him. I thanked him for trusting me with the sharing and said I would. He said he does trust me and is thankful for me. He was like a lost boy who couldn't look at me as he spoke. He has revealed parts of his issues to me, addictions, sexual,EA and I feel his struggle. There's been no talk of separation or divorce in two months. I guess that is encouraging.
Seriously tho, I am more confused on what to do than ever!
I begin to wonder about, what if I detach emotionally too much and we lose the connection for good? So much pain. How do you stand it??
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Buxom - I hate to say it - your questions may be worth investing in some professional help. This may be going way beyond the capabilities of a free online forum.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
U r right Andrew, and I do have a weekly session. I just wanted to float it here cos I seem to be a bit confused about the basics. I know what not to do but not What to do in place of it sometimes. Would be easier if we didn't live together. You did give me a different perspective on this forum tho. Thx!
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
I find weekends the worst cos he's around more and asks where I'm going , doing etc.
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
