In the UK - PT20 - Moved here!

[Sotto]

Hey Huddy, welcome to this part of the forum. Funny, I popped over here for a read soon after joining the forum, looked at the length and depth of the sitches and thought....eek....I don't want to be over there! Well, I ended up here for a while and it's a great place to be, with some wise and compassionate posters.

I think timescales is an important thing to bear in mind. If your W is having an MLC, she may inch along imperceptibly through that process and we are certainly talking years and not months. I don't think trying to adjust your approach in relation to your W (to try and prompt a certain direction or outcome) is the way to go. Of course if there are goals you have or things you'd like to do differently - then great. I think the way forward with MLC is survive - detach - thrive.

Of course my XH filed for D and saw it to conclusion, which in a way helps as there's no M to save. However, I would suggest leaving her be and doing things in a way that suit you without reference to her and what she may think, feel or do in response. However, where opportunities present, you can choose to interact with grace and compassion and respond helpfully. But when you do those things, you are only doing them because that is what you want to do and who you want to be, and you don't expect any outcome - other than that you lived your life and conducted yourself in ways you can look back on and be happy.

So, I think it becomes much, much more about focusing entirely on you and the family and accepting that she will do what she may do when she will do it and that's up to her...

I think you can do all of the above and still keep the door open a tiny chink for possible reconnection at some point if she shows some interest in the R again.

Just my thoughts Huddy and hope these are helpful....I'm sure other posters will stop by soon too. x