Albac broken but pushing forward

[CT1118]

Thanks Surfer. As an introvert, when I'm able to get into that quiet place I'm really able to process and think things through. That's where I make my decisions, regain focus and do the hard work.

I don't mean to look at it academically per se, its just that by nature I am a very emotionally connected person with a passion for having things make sense - almost to my own detriment in a sitch where making sense is impossible. So when the A was discovered, I was not happy with my feelings. I found dismantling them helped me. What I was able to make sense of was me. Thus began my 100' cliff dive into the nature of feelings, affairs, etc. There's a lot of stuff I don't even go into here about brain chemicals, the id, remnant memory behavior, etc. People here usually arrive looking for a magic bullet, people already here usually tell them time is the only bullet and its far from magical - hoping my "academic" threads at least take that concept to a level the provides statistical reasoning in addition to personal experience sharing.

Happy cannot be fake, I know I have tried.

I am introverted as well, badly, it has fked up many a relationship for me, and would not wish it on anyone. But, it is a superpower at times for the reason you identified.

ForGump - missing sx w/ the WW is a tough bit. At some point I just stopped checking out my lady. Not intentional, it just happened. True, the urges are animalistic, no doubts. But I realized her behavior and my lack of trust had turned me off, way off. I have often wondered how hard that would be for her to rebuilt if we ever get to piecing.