I am sorry I have not been posting either. I have actually been thinking about your long post all week and how I would want to respond.
honestly i think there is so much truth of your pain in there it is hard to ignore.
as long as you love your wife, you are not in a loveless marriage. love from one can carry a marriage for a long time.
the big question that you have touched on for many many months and have finally come out and asked is if this is what you want to do, to try ro save this marriage?
I believe that we must struggle with that for our own sake. is she worth all this bullshit and pain? are my kids? do I want to be lumped into the group of a-hole fathers that abandon thier families even though you are not and have been the one carrying the torch for so long. maybe that is unfair but it is a reality of the choice to leave. we have to see it through, right?
all those issues you have talked about, relationship with the boys, work / business, gal, self improvement, goals...those are all basically independent from your wife zone that is all on your plate no matter what you chose to do with marriage.
I am glad you see all that and plan on ratcheting back up a bit. you are tired and boy do I understand. you are lonely and your brain is trying to protect you from more pain. you are letting go of her. that is wonderful to hear (might be sad to read, but I believe it is a good thing).
nothing is going to change without a shift in dynamic. I am not a fan of a guy going half-cocked ultimatum mode. no I think he must actually get to the point of being done before he is ready to walk.
some people think it is appropriate or rather good form to discuss ready to walk when you are say 90% done to actually give her a last chance to making a change. I am not sure that it is effective if you are not 100% done and ready to move on. I do think that it is more fair to her, but it has to be genuine and not just another way for a try to control the situation.
uugh that last paragraph came out wonky. oh well.
roiste, i think you are right where you need to be. and can continue as long as you want. if you did not question yourself from time to time I would be more worried.
try to take some time to give yourself a beeak...treat yourself to something fun. I kniw the slog gets us tired but the gal does help. it does. it helps with the moods and our energy level.
