Albac broken but pushing forward

[albac]

Little development tonight,

W came over to pick up D tonight, I was hoping it would be nice and quick but as usual she wanted to hang around and chat and to be fair I haven't pulled her up on this yet as Its normally not a long time and we discuss arrangements for D next swap over.

She gave me he standard run down of things with her at the moment but it seems cracks are appearing. She said she is super stressed and thinks she had a panic attack this morning. She has to go away for her university course next week for 3 days and that will be the longest she has ever been away from our D and she said it was really stressing her out.
I believe her because as she was telling me this she started to break down crying in front of me. To give you an idea this is probably the 3rd time in 5 years I have seen my W cry. she is like a vault emotionally and would normally never cry, she has had family members pass away and not cry.

So here she is crying standing in front of me and I felt for a second like I should comfort her and hug her, but then a second later my mind reminded me what was actually going on and that she left and a H would comfort his W but she is not my W right now she is seeing someone else. So I looked at her totally emotionless which I think shocked her ( she may have even been eying it on to test me) and just said yes I KNOW how hard it is to not see D2 for such a long time. (I do it every week since she left so coming to me for sympathy is a bad idea on this front)
She composed herself and then I said I had to go out and do somethings so basically you need to leave now. After she was gone I didn't feel great about the whole thing. I am wouldn't say I'm proud that I could stand there and watch my W crying and not comfort her but it shows I have come along way on this road and she might just be starting to understand how things will be.

Anyway I'll just keep on going one day at a time. Stay strong.