Crazy night here. When w called today upset she asked if I would be willing to do shared custody. I told her yes but we should talk when she comes to get the kids (she was supposed to take them to a company bbq this evening) and wanted me to have them next week. I guess she didn't even consider it might not go her way. She also told me she contacted the school to let them know they would be going. I thanked her and told her I appreciated her doing that.
She came over this evening and is an absolute wreck. I'm really worried for her. She's seen what she's done in writing from an outsider. She keeps saying how horrible of a person she is and how she is a terrible mother. I reassured her she isn't and she said how am I not for what I've done, I don't deserve the kids, etc. The she went out to her car and back in a few times and then left to walk. Before she left I told her I had been thinking of taking the kids to the movies and asked if she wanted to go, that they would enjoy it. She said no but when she was out walking she texted and said she'd go to the movies if she was "allowed."
After we got back there was a little more of the same conversation, plus her telling me she signed a year lease, can't get out, had to take a demotion to come back, will have to get a second job to try to make it work, and more about how horrible she is. I told her she wasn't, that there were some bad choices made but she wasn't a bad mother or person. I gave her examples of her being a good mom to the kids. At times I could see that poor little hurt girl in her, so sad. She told me how she didn't have a family, how she was a failure, didn't deserve love, etc. I told her we were her family and she would always be loved. I also gave her a hug (maybe a mistake), she didn't give it back but didn't pull away or anything either, just stood there depressed.
I asked her if she wanted to stay in the guest room because it wasn't safe for her to drive. She said she couldn't and left. She said something concerning before she left (my whole life has been awful and I've failed at everything, it has to end sometime) and it made me really worried for her. I told her again that we were her family and she would always be loved. Then she sent a text (tell the kids I will always love them) that made me more concerned. I called and she was out walking on the greenway. Not safe late night. I reiterated that she was not a bad mom or person and that I was worried for her, she told me she wasn't going to hurt herself but I'm really concerned for her wellbeing. I texted and she finally replied and told me she was staying at her friend's house tonight so I finally feel better. I was contemplating calling the police. She is supposed to call tomorrow and come see the kids again. I know MLCers can be manipulative, etc. but I'm genuinely concerned for her wellbeing, she is very depressed. She has so much pain coming to the surface. I could really see that hurt little girl stuck in her.
Through the letter I got today I found out that the OM breakup was a few weeks ago, about the time she called out of the blue and started being friendly with me texting, etc. In hindsight, I can see she started spending time with step in-laws about then too. The letter said it was because he wasn't ready for a relationship and blending a family.
I stayed calm and consistent through tonight. I hope I didn't seem pursuing but don't think I did. I think I was just there and supportive as I could be. I'm actually surprised she wasn't angry towards me.
I wasn't going to say anything to the kids yet but s has been asking me at least once a day about school. He asked me when I got home and I told him he was going to go to the same school as last year. He got so excited and started stemming really bad and said I didn't want to say anything but I was worried I'm so happy to go back to (school name). They immediately got worried about seeing w though until I told them she was coming back to the same town.
Such a relief to know I'm not loosing custody of the kids and to be able to do what is best and share custody.
