I got TOTALLY lucky with My Guy. Mr. Fantastic moved out in April 2014, nine months after I found out he was having an affair with an intern in another country. I messed with that skein of crazy the whole time. Friends in our small town were hinting that they'd seen him out dating and I chose to not believe it; he's a manipulative booger. Some of the vets around here started urging me to drop the rope and in October 2014 I had a huge meltdown and screamed at him that I NEEDED SPACE. From there it was only a matter of time till we agreed to divorce. He never could say the word.
Anyway, from January 2015 when we agreed to divorce, I started really looking at the marriage, at other people's marriages, and at myself. I spent a LOT of time thinking about what I wanted and what I didn't want, how I got myself in the situation I was in, and where I wanted to be in the future. Then I got busy making that vision real.
I always knew I wanted a good long happy marriage. I guess you could say it's a bucket list item for me. I have never lived in any town longer than 6 years and never lived in a structure longer than 4. EVER. So I want the kind of stability that a long marriage represents. But when I set out to date, I didn't say that. I just said I wanted someone to explore my new town with, and I described a few of my hobbies. I set up an online profile in October 2015 just to see what it would be like. I chatted with a STACK of guys -- it was like hanging out in a candy shop. I went on a few dates. I met My Guy at the end of the second week. I never, ever expected to meet a keeper so quick. It was TOTAL LUCK and I question it almost every day. I do not take it for granted one bit. In a lot of ways I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. But so far, he seems as smitten as I am. And, you know, from his perspective, there's nothing miraculous about our meeting. He was divorced five years before I turned up.
The only thing I can point to for you is that when I read his description of what he was looking for, my thought was, "THAT'S ME." He is definitely the only profile I read that I fit it so clearly. And when I met him, I could have listened to him talk all day. And he adds to my quality of life every day -- makes me a better mom and a better, stronger person. When I was with Mr. Fantastic, I always deferred. With My Guy, I feel strong and capable even when I'm asking his advice.
I'm sorry if this was a hijack or a crazy gooey gush fest. I want you to feel like what you want is possible for you. A dear friend who married later in life gave me this guidance (I don't know if you have religious faith but I do...): God didn't make us to be incomplete. If you have the desire in you to be married, then there is a person out there for you. But you have to give the search up to faith (or God, or the universe... However you like to phrase these things). That's not just giving up on the desire, but a willingness to conduct yourself as though that person will arrive in your life, and your mission is to be as ready for her as you can be, by working to be your best self.
So for whatever all that is worth....
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
