Thanks for checking in. THings are about the same at home. Pretty friendly, no intimacy. Haven't seen a reason to post much because I feel like we're in a holding pattern. I try not to acknowledge the large timer over my head ticking down to whatever date is my W's magic departure date.
She did tell me last night while we were watching the Olympics that "I was so skinny now" (I've been GALing at the gym like a wildman, have lost 30 pounds) and that I looked "like an Olympian". That's good, right? Wasn't able to convert it or build on it, although I did say thanks to her this AM for saying it.
Yes, I'm seeing an IC. Have been since about 2 weeks after BD, so almost 1.5 years. She is probably about 10 years older than me, although she might be a little older than that (hard to tell). In addition, she is a psychology professor at the local university. She's been of immense help in me getting out of my depression and to a place where I could have the mental energy to start GAL, 180s, etc. (before I even knew what those were). She has never said it directly, but I get the sense she thinks my wife is not good for me or my mental health (she's gently questioned me along the lines of what is it that I get out of this relationship, a question I honestly struggle to answer), and I think she sees these tender shoots of detachment I'm maybe finally feeling as a good long-term development. She's not a MC, and I think that, coming from the mental health arena, she thinks divorce need not be traumatic for kids, especially if there's a good counselor for them available if they need it. This is my main reason I fight at this point and fear D so much -- what it might do to the kids.
I really took to IC after being pretty hesitant when I started. I find it really great being able to talk, out loud, about what I'm going through, feeling, etc. I sort of keep my BDing to myself because, like I said, I think she thinks I should move on with my life, and I'm not there yet.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
