[BrightFuture]

Hi Irish, HaWho and Gwen! Thanks so much for stopping by! Irish, thank you for bumping my thread and thinking of me . I’ve been urking on the site, but just didn’t have any energy to post my updates.

Gwen, thank you for your post. I guess I didn’t realize how different it is for me compared to a year ago. And I’ve been in this for 4 years now. I find it less difficult these days with all these ties to H, like business and vacation condo. I think I learnt how to take care of me first and do what is best for me. So, I’m using whatever advantages I can get from this whole situation. I doing it on my own terms too, since H is not doing anything to separate things or file for D.

Yes, your situation is a little different because there is an OW. And I can understand the confusion about your H’s action or inaction. But, you don’t have to defend your choices. It was H’s decision to abandon the family and the fact that he is not filing for D doesn’t put an obligation on you to do it. I still feel that my H needs to do this step, to file for D, if he has some guts, LOL… Apparently he doesn’t. I’m ok with this right now. At the same time I feel that I’m getting closer to the point when I can do it myself and actually feel good about it!

Gwen, you are a very strong person. You are also a great Mother to your girls. You should not feel disrespected because you live in a limbo land and not willing to file for D yourself. If that subject comes out, I tell people that it was H’s decision to end the M and he needs to file for D, because I don’t want to do his dirty work for him. If time comes when I need to be officially divorced, I will do it myself. Meantime, I’m enjoying my life without too much trouble. Thanks to H, that he has been pretty reasonable… He is also trying to make the contact with my son and his GF, after being MIA for a couple of years after the BD. So, I think your H will also start to come around and make some contact with his Ds. Speaking about more confusion for everyone… I think that you will be able to handle it though.

Gwen, I’m glad that my updates inspired you. I don’t think that I’m doing anything special though. I’m just trying to love my life, move along and make sense of what happened between me and H. More I think about it, more I’m convinced that he’s been going through a MLC. And there is nothing I can do about it, except to be understanding and compassionate, as much as possible.

I will do some updates in the next post, so not to make this too long.