Albac broken but pushing forward

[albac]

W had to drop something of to me today, it wasn't important but she keeps trying to have contact with me since I have gone NC. When we spoke on the phone last night I said I was busy most of the day just leave it at my door.
She mentioned about taking our D to the park together which as much as I would love to do that and it would be fun I'm not interested in doing family things as its a lie, she also throws it out and adds I don't really care just thought you would like to. That really makes me angry and even more detirmined not to do things together.

Anyway get a phone call this morning asking what time I would be home for her to come around and drop the Ds doll off not important what so ever. So I said well what time are you coming this way (so I could make sure I'm not home) and she gets angry and says whenever you will be home. I told her I was very busy today and probably won't be home all day just leave it at the door as discussed. She then while I'm on the phone says to my D we arnt going to see daddy then tells me how sad she looks and that she was really excited to come and see me. I ignored this and finished the call.

After I got off the phone I felt totally gutted, I didn't let her know while I was on the phone but knowing my D was sad she wasn't going to see me just ripped me apart. I hate this whole god awful situation after I got myself together I then felt anger. Anger at my W trying to use my love of my D2 against me. Everything in me wanted to say she would see her daddy everyday if you didn't walk out but we all know that wouldn't go well.

Anyway a bit of a rant but first time I've had some real feelings for a week or so.

Stay strong.