My DH is bipolar and several months ago started an emotional affair, actually several. Our marriage was growing distant, but he would also never tell me his true feelings because he said I would judge him. He is a classic codependent (people pleasing, sacrificing his interests and sense of self, etc.) He struggles with the bipolar diagnosis and right now is not medicine complaint. I confronted him about the affair(s) and he said he wanted to move out to "learn to be an adult". He then moved out in April. Some of it seemed like a mid life crisis, like he got tired of married life (after 10 years), wanted to be carefree and without any responsibility. Yet when he needed something he could call me at all hours (don't worry- I was asleep!) but of course any contact made me hopeful.
We maintained minimal contact because we had a sick animal to tend to. We also tried therapy together but DH was resistant, stopped showing up for sessions, etc. So we took a break from therapy. I made it clear (probably too clear) I still wanted to try and work on things.
He flip flops a lot. One week he said couples therapy was over. Then a bit later he said his mind was changing on couples therapy. I suggested we continue taking a break from it. After about 6 weeks I asked him his thoughts on going back to therapy but he said no way because all couples therapists would be biased against him.
He gave me a sincere verbal apology about a month ago and often says things like "I don't know what will happen between us". But then other times he is all "I want a divorce, if I had money I would file the papers" I have a hard time believing what he wants because it seems to always be changing.
I am trying to take care of myself but it is very hard. I am lonely, but I do have some support with therapists, friends, full time job to keep me busy etc. I feel so confused. I am not ready for a "D" and I am trying hard to know I deserve better. We have been best friends for so long, the loss is so overwhelming.
I want to be realistic but also try and have hope. But again it is so darn hard.
