The Fight for Self

[CT1118]

2. Loving detachment: I do believe this is the goal for us. You are still in love w/ WW, but recognize that for your own self to feel better you have to back away, give space, have limited contact, and create a life for yourself independent from the WW. This is for your own health/well being and it has a tough love effect upon the WW - if it does not have that effect on her, than at least the WW has space to live w/ her own choices and move forward w/out your influence. I used to feel this one heavier, I do still feel it over the course of a day, but it is subtle mostly. This feeling is where hope and love still exist.

I'm starting to see this and understand it more and more. I guess yesterday I was kind of testing to see just what I'm up against. I love my W. Crazy hair, inked up and confused. I know I still do. It's why I feel bad about doing and saying certain things, even though I know I have to do them in order to put my feelings back at a healthy level, work on ME and see where I really want to go.

Anger is another, but I'm working this out at therapy and have generally started to let it die down naturally. Yes, I would still like to take Trailer Trash and reenact scenes from Fargo. But I laugh now more than anything. I have anger towards W as well, but like you said it's disappointment.

You do have some good textbook like definitions, and being academically inclined these really help me.

You said you did a pulse check to WW last night RSG and I read how it went. Possible it was also a self-check to see where you are at? I re-read your post this morning. I had a reason today contact WW - she owes me money, and I wanted to make sure she paid correct amount into our joint checking (left open solely to transfer funds for joint debt). I was curious about the NC yesterday and did not wish to open up all Goddfellas with "where's my f'ing money". A three sentence email, polite, and short, nothing about the money - boom! Flood gates of stuff about S4 and how difficult he has (been w/ WW 2 nights). Response was validating, again 3 sentences and include zero offerings of what to do. Two minutes later, sent an itemized list of what WW owes me and why. But, I make no mistake to hide the fact: I wanted to see how I would feel about getting an email from her, and how she would respond to my out of the blue politeness (this was my 1st contact of the day in many months, I would have thought she would be surprised - nope, it was a total "me,me,me show"). Not surprised.

At least though my apathy has regressed for this part of my day and I am in the detachment feeling. So I can freely admit, I love the W trapped inside the WW. But I have let go, I am free and she is free. Told her that 3 weeks ago, still standing by it. Gonna take time.

Trailer Trash - funny! My WW is also w/ a redneck POS. One reason I know it won't last. She can't take that sht to meet her fancy a*s friends or her family.

Turning the vulnerability of solitude into strength.

Thanks RSG. Good to know I help you for how many times your story helped me.