Just working the process, but wondering when......

[cbtdad]

Ginger, I knew within a minute how upset I was with myself. It was exactly the person that I am trying so hard to fix.
You are so right on her saying "ok"
That needs to be my new trigger from her to shut up. That should tell me when I am starting to rant.
Yes. I am working with someone about this. It's a part of the verbal abuse and control that I am working on. I am constantly reading. I see IC once every two weeks and I am in an anger management class. These are things that I am doing because I know it is going to take a long time to "rewire" my brain.
In a calmer state I do think our marriage has a great chance.
But getting to Roists point that it needs to be a different reaction. And you know what? That's the good news. it was a different reaction this morning without even having to try. I wasn't moody, I didn't let in linger. I think that is because I know I will have setbacks with my anger along the way, but that I just keep pushing forward becoming who I want to be.
Mach1,
You are right as usual. This is not how I acted when I wanted sex and we were dating. Seriously doubt she would have married me if that was the case. This is something new and I need to approach it that way.
I have learned a lot through the last few years, especially the last couple of months.

We took our S to school this morning. It was his first day. Things were good.
I apologized. I said, "I want to apologize for how I acted last night. Yes. I am frustrated with some things, but that is not how I want to handle things. I'm disappointed in myself for it. I'm sorry"
She responded by saying, "I'm sorry I was agitated as well. I told you I was having a rough day and when I saw you eating the chicken I got upset as well. It will be ok."

So it's been completely fine from then on. She has been texting me all day.
I'm still upset with how I reacted.

I am going to use this as motivation to continue to get better
I will bring up in MC next week about having these conversations and letting W know that they need to be discussed before it builds up