Lost at the moment (2)

[lfm]

So, I've realized that I have become a WAS, I have no interest in trying to move forward with my wife. I no longer feel hurt, anger or resentment towards my WW.

I do feel bad for our kids as we will end up splitting up the family, and selling the house we just moved into. But at the end of the day, as nice as it is, it's just a thing. There will be other houses, other cars and the like, none of which is a need, they are all want's.

I've also realized that I accept my role in getting us to this point, it definitely not something that just happened with my wife. While she chose to get involved with the A, I certainly helped put her in the mindset to make it okay in her mind and never paid attention to what she was trying to tell me.

As I noted previously, things are going to be crazy busy at work for the next couple of months, so may be a little bit before I file for D. My W still seems to be in this fantasy world that we can be firends, live in the same house, and keep things together for the kids. I told her last night that all of that goes away, that I'd commit to stay in the house through the end of this school year as my oldest daughter is a Senior this year, and I don't want to cause any more disruption in her life than is absolutely necessary.

Funny thing is that my W keeps wanting to push of any discussion with the kids about the possibility of us getting divorced, she still has not told any friends or family about what is going on, and I think is in denial about the situation she has now created. Unfortunately, any change in her at this point is going to be too little too late. I think I'm in a simmilar spot to doodler at this point - I don't think I could try to date my wife again. She's become this manipulative person that I have never seen before. I see her playing both myself and the OM, stringing us both along thinking she can both in her life.

I'm okay with all of that at this point, and am ready to move on with my life without her. Doen't mean that there won't be challenges as I start that journey for myself, but I actually feel more at peace now that I've made that decision than I have since BD back in April.

Sad thing is our 21 wedding anniversary will be tomorrow, but there won't be any celebration, I don't even know if I'll buy a card to give her. Should be an interesting day as friends and family reach out to pass along Happy Anniversary wishes.

Hope everyong has a great day today! I know I will as I'm finally feeling like I'm in a good place.