Maybs - Pt2

[maybs]

W contacted me again late last night to ask something else about bills.... I'm telling you...she is not this helpless so I'm not sure what her issue is here. The only thing I can think is it's temp checking. Keeping answers short and to the point and ignoring anything not completely necessary.

I guess we will see if she keeps trying to contact me over the next few days.

Other than that nothing new. Still feel just really calm and peaceful about everything.

[cheesyt]

temp checks all around eh!

[maybs]

Nothing new really: Surprisingly no temp checks yesterday. I'm okay with it, I figured realistically she's not going to temp check me every single day. Thank god.

Nothing new with me really. Just keeping up my GAL activities and meeting new people and spending time with my pups.

I still feel really calm and I think this is what being "lovingly detached" feels like... I still love her and care for her but right now her crap doesn't bug me because I'm focused on me. I feel like a completely different person than I did a month ago.

That's all for me.

[maybs]

So today I contacted my W because I needed to let her know our dogs vet was looking to speak with her about our dog that is sick.
I simply said "The vet called for you"
And I got this whole story back about how she thought she told them to change the number but they must not have and thanks and I'll call them back.
So I just didn't respond to that.
About 10 minutes later she texts me again this whole thing about how she's so screwed over on her car (because we lease) and she's going to be over on her miles because she's been commuting and she can't afford to live anywhere that she has to pay rent and she can't afford the payment on the car if she buys it. and she just has no options.

So I waited for a few more minutes and responded with "wow I'm sorry, that must be very frustrating"

I hope that was good for validating her. Because in my head I was like "this is not my problem." She did get the choose between our 2 cars which one she wanted to take when she left and she took that one. She had to know she would go over her miles and she still has a year left on her lease... I do feel bad for her on some level, like I know that's a crappy situation but at the same time I feel like "you made your bed"

I just hope I responded okay because Ireally wasn't sure what else I could say to that.

[MoveFrwd]

Looks good to me

Glad to hear youre doing well. Know that the next bout of emotions can and will come. Hopefully its shorter and shallower than the last wave!

[hawker]

Good job Maybs!! Yes, the emotions come and go in waves!!!

[maybs]

Thanks guys. I'm still feeling pretty good today.
Last night my SIL contacted me to have dinner with her since she was in town.

She pretty much just wanted to check up on me and see how I was doing and talk to me about my W, which was fine.

She confirmed what I already knew, that W has been living with ow. honestly no surprise there, I had a feeling. The only thing about this that kind of irritates me is that she made such a big deal about how it "wasn't fair" for me to get to keep all 3 dogs and then I find out the 1 she did take she just ditched at her dads and isn't even around to take care of.....
She also said my W has been pretty much cutting anyone out that doesn't agree with what she's doing, again not much of a surprise.

She did ask me if I thought I would want to reconcile still and I said yes under the right circumstances and there would be a lot that would have to happen. And she asked me so I was honest with her about what W would need to say/do for that to happen.
She also mentioned that she too thinks there's going to be a time when W wants to R and she thinks this will pass...

There was one thing she said that I had never really thought about or realized until she said it but I'm glad she did. She said something along the lines of at some point in our relationship I took a back seat to my W and she basically got everything she wanted and I just went along with it and it kind of drowned out my personality. Thinking about it now I can totally see that. I feel like when all the health problems and stuff started I put myself on hold and focused 100% on my W because I was concerned about her health. When SIL said that I did say "I can see how that's true, but I would never let it happen again" And I mean it. I couldn't go back to that.

I also was honest with her and told her that I have been meeting with agencies to work on getting my fostering license, it's something I've always wanted to do and just because I'm "alone" now doesn't mean I shouldn't.

Overall, I think it went really well. I do miss my in law family and I'm glad that they continue to reach out to me and want to spend time with me and keep me in their lives.

SIL was very impressed with how well I'm doing and all the things I'm doing for myself. And is just another of the many people who have said "I don't want this to sound the wrong way, but you're handling yourself very well and I'm impressed with how you're getting your life together"

She did say that I could come visit my nieces anytime I wanted and I was always welcome for family dinners still. She also said she wasn't planning on mentioning to anyone that she had met with me just to avoid fighting, I don't know if she will say anything to the family or not and I don't care. I didn't go see her to get her to tell them how good I'm doing I went to see her because she's my family and I miss them all like crazy.

Guess that's all for now. Even with all the W talk last night I still feel really good and really detached. I don't really have any GAL activities planned for the weekend, it's supposed to be kind of rainy and gross all weekend so I think I will just relax around the house and get some stuff cleaned up and watch movies.

I did decide to go on a "date". Not as like "I'm looking for a relationship" but just to get out of the house and meet people and go out and do things and have some fun. And I was also honest with my SIL about that, I wasn't going to tell her but somehow it came up so I did.

[hawker]

That's sounds positive Maybs, you handled yourself really well I think. My wife also is ignoring the friends who thing she is doing wrong. I know what u mean abou missing your in laws family. I miss mine as well. My sil fab me saying she doesn't know what my w is thinking and that I am amazing and put up with a lot of wife's crap. Anyhow I am glad you got to spend some time with you sil...did it make u feel better or worse? When is your date?

[maybs]

I think it made me feel better.
Like yeah she confirmed some things that were not stellar but I really already knew so it didn't really change anything. It was nice to see her and talk to her about everything and hear that my in laws are all supporting me so much and don't know wtf my W is doing with her life anymore.

Plus having input from someone who doesn't see me everyday also helped me feel more confident in my GAL activities and everything else that I'm doing for myself, because obviously it is working.

My date is tonight. I have a lot of feelings about it. I'm nervous because I feel like I haven't dated in forever. I'm also excited about it. And then on the other hand I do feel kind of guilty. I feel like I'm doing something "wrong". But I just keep reminding myself that I'm not doing anything my W isn't doing and I'm doing it for me. It doesn't change anything for me. I absolutely love my W and wouldn't want to R if she was willing to do the work but I can't sit here and put off dating forever. And like I said it's just a date it doesn't mean I'm looking for a relationship I just want to go out and I will not lie there is a part of me that likes that someone else is willing to show me attention right now when my W is being so distant.

[hawker]

Yes, it is nice when the in laws are questioning our wife's life...ugh...same story....and I am sure it feels good to hear from others how good you look and how good you are doing. Its ok to go out if you think you need that...you would rather be with your wife but she isn't wanting that right now....I have been talking daily with an old friend from my home town going through the same thing and it is kind of nice to have that attention...