Albac broken but pushing forward

[roist]

You are not seeing/feeling this from her perspective. I am not saying you are wrong.You sound practical and logical. But you judge why she wanted those things and dismiss them.

Her resentment and discontent could be more to do with her feelings/wants being disregarded than actually getting that stuff. She feels unheard. Think back and see if you could have handled these situations differently where she felt head/validated. This is not about caving in or just giving her what she wants. It is not that simple. Yet many of us adopted that role in our M. Look where that ended. We know being a doormat does not work.

I may be taking you recent posts out of context, but between the lines I hear a lot of built up resentment and rightfulness from you. Regardless what happens you need to work on moving beyond such feelings. Being right and /or blaming are not useful thinking at this stage. Don't play the role of helpless victim either. Take responsability and act.

Everyone loses in the blame game. Accept both of ye are to blame. Work on your part in that and don't dwell on W's past actions. Dwelling there will keep you stuck.

If ye get to reconciliation then you can discus what you see as her contribution/her faults. Until then it is counter productive and not where you should be focusing.

Even if you are not sure you want to reconcile,you should still work towards eliminating your contribution to the downfall. If not any future R is doomed to be a repeat.

I probably should have reread all you have written before launching into such a post, but your latest post plus memory of other posts encouraged me to send a helpful 2x4. Hope you take it in the manner intended, to help you.