Sweetie, listen to me, you are going in circles and having trouble hearing us. You are in a terrible, painful crisis right now. You are anxious, depressed, and scared and so you of course cannot think clearly.
I want you to slow down and take life day by day. Treat this as though your H has just died--shocking, traumatic, and you are grief stricken, but he is gone. Your goals each day are to eat, sleep, be present for your daughter and just get though the day. Self care in every way possible and as much as you can. Forgive yourself every day, you are only human.
Do not turn to him, talk to him, or tell him how you feel. This will only push him away further! That is what DB is counterintuitive because turning to him feels natural right now. He is gone right now and the M that you had is over. If he sees you are still waiting, available, or any sign of weakness, he will not come back. That is why we call this a fog--he is confused and on his own journey--and you must let him be.
It took me 10 very long months to understand this! My H was so guilt ridden for hurting me that he even left OW and tried to come back, but it didn't work! It wasn't until I let him go and started planning a life without him that he realized "oh no, what have I done, I am going to lose everything!" He needed to see me strong and confident and to really start to let it go.
So you need to grieve--cry, sob, let it out! It's okay to feel miserable, this is soooo hard! But only talk to your safe people! If you are angry punch a bag, scream, yell, and then take a long walk. Then allow yourself to feel better, or enjoy a moment. It's ok! Do everything you need to do for YOU!
I know what you are going through, and I don't even know how I survived--go and read my story--but I DID survive. You will too. Life is long and always changing. One day at a time right now. Let him go and pay him NO attention. Treat him like a friendly neighbor that you could give 2 chits about. If anything will get his attention, that will be it!!! He knows you are still waiting, he knows.
It is only when he sees you are moving on and strong without him that he will reconsider!
And ForGump is right; you deserve better and so does your D! We all hope he wil come around, change, and be a good H and father, but right now he needs to walk this path on his own. All you can do it let him go and take care of you and D right now.
Wake up each day and do the best you can do. Go to bed and forgive yourself for the mistakes. Wake up, rinse, repeat. I promise one day you will feel better!
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
