Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #2]

[ForGump]

Yesterday after dinner, my W had a couple of drinks and wanted to vent to me about how difficult it had been for her to try to get her career jump started. I usually just clean up after dinner and go spend time w/ my kids or by myself, because I want to detach and I don't want to be her neutered BFF. But this time she really appeared to want to engage me in a conversation, and I thought it might be a chance for me to offer some validation, and a chance to do a bit of 180 where I paid good attention to her while she expressed herself and her emotions (which I sometimes did not do a good job of, in preceding years).

I think I did only a fair job at validating. It's hard for me to do it, w/o feeling like I'm sounding fake. Anyway, I think it's dawning on her -- at least momentarily -- how difficult the path ahead of her is, and she was discouraged. I don't really expect this to be much of a wake up call, because she's not very materialistic (a trait I love about her, if not taken to an extreme), and is willing to sacrifice material wealth/comfort for her emotional needs. I don't know, I just don't see her attraction for me welling up because all of a sudden she realizes she needs to rely on me financially.

The conversation turned to one of her friends, who I believe has been at best an encouraging echo chamber with respect to my W becoming WW/MLC; and at worst a fire-setter. I have zero respect for this friend because she's a habitual liar, is having an A w/ a married man, is an unprincipled and crappy (single) parent, and a crappy daughter to her elderly parents. I had resented this woman for a while, so when the chance came up, I stated in no uncertain terms what I think about her, and while I talking about how she treats her parents, I suddenly choked up so I just got up and left the room, then went for a run. Today she mentioned to me that she agrees with me on my assessment of this friend, and that she intends to curtail her friendship with this woman. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. My IC will probably chastise me for playing a parental role to my W. She might be right.

On a different note ... I put on some old Dave Matthews Band while playing w/ my S after dinner -- I don't listen to them very often -- and one of the songs just took me back to the feeling I had when I first met my W. That intense, satisfying physical intimacy that makes the air feel thicker, makes you feel the heart in your chest, and makes every nerve ending in your body vibrate. I haven't had that feeling for many years, and it made me think that's what she's craving, that's what she's tasted w/ her EA (PA?), and that's what's driving her down the path to a D.