I thought I'd start my new thread with a reference to one of my favorite songs - The Rose by Bette Midler.
I love the last verse:
Just remember, in the Winter, far beneath the bitter snows, lies the seed, that with the sun's love, in the Spring, becomes the rose.
I feel like I've been buried in the snow for a long time, but I hope that when Spring finally comes, I'll blossom. No, I don't hope. I know!
Job, I feel like we've been playing the pursuer/distancer game here. He behaves as though he's waking up and I get encouraged, thinking I see baby steps and soften a bit toward him, trying to be compassionate, understanding and friendly. Then I get slapped away. Then I withdraw and he starts the same stuff again. It has to stop! It's a cheeseless tunnel and we keep replaying the same scenario. I'm just sick of it. Baby steps don't work. He needs to make a few leaps.
He sent the flowers and note saying how awesome and amazing I am. He takes every opportunity that comes up to tell me how much he appreciates what I do. I know exactly what's going on. He's trying to smooth talk me into staying on in the business after a D. He so underestimates me. I'm not a fool and I'm not afraid of losing him. As you said, I'll be fine.
Mleigh4, thank you for stopping by. Yes, the curve balls are confusing, often frustrating and sometimes make me smh wondering if he thinks I'm that gullible.
I've been following your threads. It sounds like good things are happening in your sitch. I hope the positive interactions with your H continue. Keep up the good work and remember the key word ... patience.
bttrfly, thank you for the confirmation that I'm not the nutty one. It gets so confusing sometimes, as we all know.
I'm so sorry that your D is coming soon. I don't think any of us want things to end that way, but you seem so grounded and your attitude amazes me. You are a survivor and I believe you will be just fine. Better days are ahead for you.
HaWho, I was astounded when the flowers showed up while I was researching attorneys. I wondered if this is some kind of cosmic sign? Is this supposed to mean something. The timing was just plain eerie.
The other thought that went through my mind was to wonder what his gf would do if she found out H was sending flowers to his wife. I got a good chuckle out of that thought.
HaWho if your H goes bear hunting or buys a bug suit, please let us know. I honestly don't know how you do it. And your boys are a treasure. They are growing up way too fast because of all your H's issues, but that may not be a bad thing.
123Gwen, thank you for your post. I think you are right about the vision. You have to take off the blinders and see things as they are. Unfortunately, when dealing with a MLC spouse, that's not always easy, but it gets easier with time.
I found your post on Bright's thread very interesting. There are a lot of people who feel perfectly free to tell you what they think you should do, but they don't walk in your shoes. There are issues like insurance, taxes, financial stability, etc. that sometimes trump the "kick the bum out" mentality. It isn't simply a matter that he cheated or he walked out. I know it got so bad for me, that as soon as I heard the words "you should" or "if I were you, I would," I'd stop listening. I tired of "defending" my choice. You have to develop a thick skin and know in your heart and your head that what you do is best for YOU. You can't let those who don't get it get to you.
As always, my best to everyone.
xoxoxox 2T
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
