Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #2]

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This is Thread #2. Thread #1 is right here --> Keep Wearing Wedding Band?

I think a brutally honest and expanded recap of my situation is apropos from the vantage point of Thread #2, twenty days into my posting in this forum:

My W says,

- I'm sexually unattractive
- I mother her
- I suffocate her
- We are like brother-and-sister
- "I don't want to be celibate for the rest of my life"

I strongly believe my W suffers from *some* levels of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and/or narcissistic personality disorder and/or obsessive compulsive disorder and/or anxiety & depression. I emphasize "some levels" because I don't want to overstate my certainty about the diagnosis, nor do I want to give myself a free pass. But my belief is based on her own W, her account of her life history including childhood trauma, some professional opinions, opinions of others who know W, and my own research.

My faults in the marriage ... I am still in the process of trying to see and understand those in myself, with the help of a therapist and this forum ... but so far as I understand, I believe my role in this failed marriage have been:

- I did suffocate her with too much attention.
- I did slide into a mothering role by helping her with everything she could not do for herself.
- I did emasculate myself by avoiding conflict w/ my W.
- I did emasculate myself by not letting my own character stand strong.
- I also failed often to tune into her emotional life and connect to her emotionally.
- I also failed often to tune into her sexual needs and connect better sexually.

Could I have avoided D by not doing the above? I don't know. I believe the dynamics under which we first fell in love and married was strongly driven by her BPD-like personality, so some *type* of mismatch or conflict was inevitable. If I had not emasculated myself into a mothering role, we might be facing a D for other reasons, such as too much conflict or simply MLC driven by her own personality/history/biology. I accept that as a known unknown.

Where does that put me in terms of DB? I believe my W is a mix of WW and MLC, with a splash of WAS. But, again, this is not something I know with much clarity. I believe the general prescription for what I need to do is is the same: detach, GAL, and 180. But I believe there are nuances to how to detach, GAL and 180 that need to be sensitive to each situation and timing, especially since we are still separated in-house.

What has happened practically?

- I decided to keep my wedding band on for myself.
- I've stopped pleading/reasoning, and have detached & GAL.
- W is taking small incremental steps to independence and filing D.

I expect more hell to break loose, as my W slowly and incrementally realizes the practical consequences of a D.