New here and separated

[Coly23]

Journaling: feeling very low today. First day of my vacation and it's without H for the first time in 8 years. Myself and D will be going away for the week on Sunday with my sister and her family. I have mixed feelings. Every time I feel a little excited I suddenly stop and remember. I hate this feeling I just want it to go away.

My mind keeps working overtime still especially the fact that he has moved on so quickly. It's not even 12 weeks. He could have rented a furnished apartment but instead he has got one that is unfurnished so he has had to buy everything from scratch. I feel so sick thinking that he is building his life without me already, like never existed. He keeps telling me he needs to be on his own and that he can't do that in someone's spare room but this just feels so permanent. What's the point of all this. He's made his mind up and he doesn't want me.

I haven't contacted him for a few days and have let my D arrange to see him tomorrow. I intend to go out because I don't think I can trust myself not to get upset...