NYGal: Together Again and Happy!

[Painter]

Thanks anna.youre right that I shouldn't focus on ow. That focus has caused a rift between us. W refuses to tell her not to contact her.And she says she won't promise to tell me when ow does contact her because of my reaction. I get furious. I have to back off, tone it way down, and just focus on anything but ow. I feel like I've slid backwards and the thing that was so important - getting W back, has now become less important than protecting myself. But the protecting comes out as rage and a wall around my heart. It pushes W away. She no longer feels guilty or sympathetic. She is angry and I am looking and acting like the crazy person. Am I wrong to insist that she tell ow not to contact her? If ow continues to do so after W says don't, I can't blame W. But I do blame her for not being willing to say these simple things: I am not interested in a friendship with you. Don't contact me again.

Since she won't, I guess I just have to ... What?what do I do??

See how it goes in MC. You don't have to do anything today. Let the C explain to W why this makes you upset.

WH used the same circular argument to me. Lying to avoid a reaction. Blaming his actions on something I did/said *afterwards*. It's interesting to see that educated people who have probably had a course in logic are equally irrational.

Of course you get upset! She traumatized you, kicked you out of your home, lied and cheated and she's upset about you getting upset? Talk about blaming the victim!

Imagine this: WW drove drunk. She hit someone. You find out she's been driving drunk again. She says she didn't tell you because of your reaction when you found out. Umm...