Newly Separated

[CT1118]

Hey LonelyW. First, I did what you have done - I let a thread go to 30 or so posts and started a new one. A 2x4 hit me and was told that when you get to 100 replies a moderator will ask you to start a new one. So, I am not a moderator, nor pretending to be. I am handing you the 2x4, you can hit yourself with it or not.


Also, having your info in your signature would really be helpful to us. This place can move fast, people look into a lot of sitches, stories are very similar - your signature helps people make heads or tails a whole lot faster and helps us offer support.

From your last thread, you were going on a date:

ForGump: Yes, this person is aware of my current sitch and seems to be excited to spend time with me. Which feels really nice have being so rejected by my H. I don't see it as a crutch, I see it as something I'm doing for me, something that makes me feel like me again. I'm tired of pining for the H at home, god knows he's not pining for me.

My thoughts on the above are based solely on my own experience and what I read in your sitch: At start of my S, I too went out w/ a woman who knew about my sitch and she was excited to spend time w/ me. It felt nice b/c I felt rejected. Unlike what you expressed, I did see it as a crutch, but like you I was very much aware it was for me. Feeling like "me" never factored into it the way you state above, in fact I very much did not want to feel like me b/c feeling like me felt like sht at that particular time. You are tired and I relate to that, you say "god knows" he is not pining for you is mind reading and self-justifying, which is a normal response, but what I just said is the truth. What I read about your WH today, he is thinking about you but your WH is also a confused three ring sht show - his behavior as you described it is completely indicative of this.

So anyway - the punchline I slept with the woman in my story above. It was her idea and I did not say no. It went from listening to my sitch on a few dates to her telling me she knew I was hurting and how I deserved better to wine at my place, to all things which follow. More than a few times and each time I felt nothing. And in the end I did not feel better and I had unnecessarily over complicated my life. I admit I went on one date with a different woman within days after that, thought my first effort "back in the game" should not be my last, this time I picked up the woman to see if "I still had it", and during that date realized I was not ready for anything like that, did not sleep w/ her. 5 months later, as in a few days ago I went on a date-ish thing with a woman who asked me out and realized again, this is not something I wish to choose for myself right now (thought of it as pulse checking the self, most certainly did not even try to sleep w/ her).

So what I read in your sitch tonight: two days ago you said in a post "I want my marriage" you also said you were running for political office. One day ago you went on a coffee date, earlier today you gave your reasons for this date which are completely valid - yet I must tell you your validiation had 4 sentences and 2 of them included statements about your H rejecting you - so 50% of your validation was based upon feelings of rejection, today you post a story which took place 4 days ago where you cursed at your mother defending your H, but in the very next sentence when you posted today, a day after the coffee date, you agree w/ your mother that your H does not want to work on your marriage. I am sure I got all that correct and I welcome you to the roller coaster that is our lives.

I am not going to speculate how you feel reading this. I know you came here for support/help. My story went the way it went, you did not indicate that you were going to sleep with coffee guy and I am not questioning your integrity, just offering you my story - FWIW, my 1st date w/ that woman was also for coffee.
As well, sometimes it helps for someone to repeat back to us what they heard us say, thats all I did w/ you sitch. Please think about it. If anything, everyone here is here to help others avoid mistakes on their journey to realize what it is that they wish choose. I do hope I was helpful. What are you going to do with that 2x4 I handed you at the beginning of my post? And seriously, add a signature.