The Fight for Self

[CT1118]

I just wanted to pop in here and let you know you really inspire me with this DBing stuff. As someone who just started this journey I find reading your posts quite helpful when I'm feeling like I've handled a certain situation poorly. And I think someone else said it does sound like one way or another you're on the right path.

Thanks maybs - I really appreciate that. Chime in anytime.

But how much of a friend can I be?

ForGump - I am fairly certain I stole my answer to that question from someone's thread (I think RSG's). If she wanted to be my friend at a later date it would be a friendship that needs to be built. So for me, building myself right now. You like Pearl Jam too - "I'm a lucky man To count on both hands The ones I love" I have enough friends right now.

RSG - tried to QQ you and it was only pasting script language, so the old fashioned way:
"The last thing either of us has said in any relation to "us" is her saying "I think I'm just going to take a break from men for a while" on my birthday a month ago in the middle of an argument. Kinda pissed me off, but I'm over that."

I heard that EXACT SAME STATEMENT on father's day. Pissed me off at the time, over that too, actually forgot about until I read your post. About 50% certain at this point you and I might be married to the same woman who is leading a double life.

Listen guys, almost all WW's want their H to be their gay friend.

You can act friend-"ly", like you would be toward a nosey neighbor you don't particularly like. You know the type. When you see them outside, you just wave, smile, and keep on walking.

Sandi - sublimely put as always and thank you. I admit to flawed behavior before I got here, but I was also lied to and made to believe we could work things out: WW told me we could work on things yet she was happy to not be with men for the time being, WW sent me semi-nude texts of herself and quite a few of them, WW came over a number of times and cleaned my apartment, WW would cook and deliver me food. My response was not as gay friendship, it was as a dude being lied to and acting accordingly - normally a woman sending me almost naked pictures and cooking me food has been a very positive sign in my life. I fell for it. Did not know what I did not know. Got here after finding out I was being lied to, read your stuff, felt your hammer. Did a great many of the things you said to do,certainly have adopted your viewpoints as well as prophesied them among the tribe even if I don't use them all very well. I credit your work w/ highest regard and appreciate you speaking up.

I see WW more as the annoying co-worker than the nosey neighbor. I can ignore my neighbors, I have to do business w/ my co-workers, but point received.

This is perhaps the quote that did it "you don't get me as your H, you wanted space and so do I".
Been thinking, perhaps the way to deal with it is to truly accept, and not want a life without the W? Not sure how much pushing for it is a good idea but.....perhaps that is it.

Thanks Surfer - WW already rolled the dice choosing to risk a life w/out me on her end. I do not see the DB/180/LRT as much risk for me, given the situation. I see it as my choice to use this tactic(s) until I choose otherwise. That does not mean hope will ever go away until the dirt is tossed on my box, but I do realize apathy is a shovel to bury myself with; apathy is a risk. I never saw this coming, although looking back at some of my old posts I can read where I started to feel it. Hoping I can choose to come out of it, because I have never felt so little about her in all my years of knowing her, i.e. why I am confused.