Keeps getting worse, 180 not working

[Buxom]

Cherry, thanks for the sharing and validation. It's so difficult to remain calm and consistent when he's up and down, doing what he's gonna do when he's gotta do it. It feels so wrong to not confront, repeat boundaries , question him for details and then not wanting to trust his answers. Then I remember, this is about him, he's lost and doing what he can to make sense of his life/mlc and it's voids for him. It is good that he's coming around, however I get too attached to the positive outcome and then feel worse when he withdraws again. I see fear in his eyes when he's avoiding and I know he's scared. He has to confront it and fix himself. At least he's trying, I think.
It's also hard to give up the daily texts and calls throughout the day and hugs and kisses every time he left and entered the house. I start to wonder what do normal couples do? We were very affectionate and PT was the norm but I don't see stuff like that with friends of mine. I still miss it. It was our thing. He told me he missed the affection and holding.
So I guess I just have to come to the fact than he will flail around, do replay and I will have to keep the lighthouse operational.