EDF, so when W sent the NC email to OM, did you help her write it? Did you watch her send it? Did she mean it? I want W to do the same to ow (I never capitalize those heinous letters!)
W wrote the first draft - I had told her in advance that I didn't want to dictate the letter word for word, but I did want to see the letter before it was sent, give input, and see her send it.
Her first draft was pretty good (short/concise) but I made a couple suggestions and asked her to phrase it in her own words. Suggested she list some of the fun stuff we've been doing together and if there was anything in particular that had made her feel more optimistic about our relationship. I also suggested/added a closing line reiterating "do not contact me", and suggested she tweak a line to remove the possibility of any mixed messages.
Having her word my suggestions was kind of a test on my part to require more effort on her end and see what things she highlighted. She was pretty forthcoming; questioned whether we really needed to mention some fun things we did... I simply said that I wanted OM to realize that W had valid reasons for changing her mind to refocus on the marriage (I.e. that it wasn't just a B.S. letter I made her send) and that the letter was also for my benefit.
Truth be told, I also wanted the letter to mention our fun activities and my positive changes in case she didn't plan to maintain NC... I wanted OM to know that she was still actively doing and enjoying activities with me... to convey that a number of the fun things she had previously told him about over email (and omitted my involvement) were actually couples activities, and that I wasn't simply a chump husband on autopilot anymore.
Me, WW - Upper 30s BD - Apr 1 2016 EA - Apr 7 2016 (discovered; ongoing for months; did not confront right away) Confronted wife about EA - May 17 Wife sent NC email to OM - July 11
