The Fight for Self

[Surfer]

CT/FG/RSG. All in similar boats.

I do wonder, why is this up for debate? You (we all) will either be closer to or further apart from your spouses in due course (you might dance back and forth - you have before so why not again?). Fact is, you are going to be on a journey with your W until they put dirt on that box (as per Cadets(?) comment) like it or not. Hows that for a cheery thought! Get me the noose, the stool and the goosefat!

I am taking one thing from this. Giving less of a sh!t is working for you CT. For defo. But she it temp. checking you big time. Keep the temp. cool. Not cold, cool. You are doing an amazing job. It's not just about how you are doing though - it's about how she is doing. She is taking the bait. Me, FG, RSG all have a different sitch. and part is driven by the W responding differently and our acting differently. For example, I feel my wife is DBing me with no contact etc at present. Might never change -in fact if it doesn't change forget the noose....

This is perhaps the quote that did it "you don't get me as your H, you wanted space and so do I".

Been thinking, perhaps the way to deal with it is to truly accept, and not want a life without the W? Not sure how much pushing for it is a good idea but.....perhaps that is it. I mean if you were really out there picking the ideal mate, given the history - really? This particular brand. If you were advising your child who was picking their spouse (not meaning to be rude about anyones W BTW) - I mean really. So yes being very cool right now seems perfect.

It all looks so clear in your Stiches as I read them. Yet mine confuses me. My DB Coach says do the nice things (i.e. should I pick them up from the airport etc - sounds like eating the entire cake shop not just a slice to me), yet on here I see a more distant approach. There's a fine line between lovingly detaching and being cold.

I might just go "in Character" so I 'know' how to act - I am thinking Arthur Fonzarelli!