My wife walked out 4

[RSG]

So, to add a little something. I was scrolling on my Facebook feed, and noticed a pic from S preschool. I go to their page just looking for a pic of S. Found a couple. Completely forgot W told me she was reading a book to the class today. Up pops a pic of her with S. Hair a 3rd color. This time it's some kind of mild rainbow thing. First time was a reddish tint, then something grayish.

The rebelling teenager thing came to mind Sandi mentions, but it hit me. It's like a kid leaving college being away from home for the first time. Rebelling against the relatively conservative Mom she was, and family we had. I'm actually more surprised about how little I pay attention to her body when I see her, I'm usually looking her in the eyes....

Just an observation. But I'm seeing more of the signs Sandi points out.

[CT1118]

I'm actually more surprised about how little I pay attention to her body when I see her, I'm usually looking her in the eyes....

That's something isn't it? The body I used to lust after, eyeball and day dream about...have not checked her out in over a month. I also establish and maintain eye contact.

They really are going to have their work cut out for them if they truly want us back.

[RSG]

Not much to report. She fwd me the little email the school sends out on S day. I read it, and a couple hours later replied "thank you." I signed up for it myself at school this AM. Incidentally, the email included the picture of her I saw on FB reading to the kids...


Yeah, she does have her work cut out. I'm glad I didn't send the "minimal contact" email, because it seems to be happening naturally. While CBT and others have been right, that I DO like seeing her name pop up on my phone, it hasn't been because of excitement, it's been more like relief that she needs me. Much like CT, I'm feeling so much more apathetic about the whole thing but at the same time with minimal contact coming more naturally it feels scary. Is this supposed to be where you just say hi/bye at dropoff, text every now and then re scheduling and otherwise drop off the map? Her pursuit, control or whatever has been annoying but it also felt like an indication that I was something she needed.

I know we're on 2 journeys. Mine has led me to some pretty big changes in less than 3mos, hopefully with more to come. I have no idea where she is. Yesterday AM she had a snotty attitude, but at dropoff was friendly. She seems to respect me more, as every time I call her out she eventually backs down. But beyond that, I don't know.

Would like to hear thoughts from my followers.

[cbtdad]

I think that the fact that you are going darker is good for you.
There is a level of dependency that you seem to enjoy that she needed you
Let her go on her journey. With her crazy hair and all!:)
You are on yours. And you are doing a great job. I think it will morph into something that "it is what it is"
There will be times you need to text for son. But just leave it at scheduling and emergencies
If she gets mad, then so be it. She chose to not be there

[RSG]

WOW. Just saw her for about 15 minutes, went through quite a bit. Most was about S. Forms at school I didn't know about, like book sales, their yearly activity schedule, etc. Why is he so snotty? (I think it's because of the fan on at bedtime, but I'm not sure so I didn't speculate)

She is still expecting a check, but I looked and it still hasn't come. She did get a notice about her mail changing, I didn't look, gave it to her and she put it away pretty quickly. I gave her the $25 for the teacher's giftcard. All that is pretty blah.

Her: Anything else we need to talk about?
Me: No? About what?
Her: About us?
Me: No, I don't think so. I don't really think about it too much.
Her: OK.
(I was looking her eye to eye a few feet away)
She wants to say a few more things about S, and I say we should just go outside as the dog is in his crate barking loudly. (This may not be a 180, but possibly a 90. I would usually yell at him to shut up and she'd make a comment.) We talk a little more about S, then it turns.

Her: How are your parents?
Me: They're doing well.
Her: Do they hate me?
Me: I don't really talk about it much.
Her: Can I have S for his birthday? It falls on a Sat this year.
Me: Yeah, that's ok. Saturday is your day anyway.
Her: Are you doing anything for his birthday?
Me: Probably take him to my folks Sunday.
Her: He should have fun. OK, I really have to go. Take care of my baby.
Me: OK I will. Have a good night.
Her: You too






Wow. I wasn't perfect, but I am proud of a few things. Kept my distance and cool. Looked her in the eyes whenever she spoke, especially about the more serious stuff. Didn't ask about her new address. Finally noticed her hair is actually more like a big bowl of sand on her head, but said nothing. Bent down to pick something up, and noticed yet another tattoo this one on her other foot. Said nothing. When she wanted a R talk, I had nothing to say. Maybe not the best wording from me, but if she wanted to instigate divorce she would have said something. I'm not ready to discuss anyway, and this was a HORRIBLE setting. Dog barking, I'm a little stressed from a late "meeting" at work in which we missed a deadline but thankfully I was the only one who kept up with it! (I'm in charge of the docket at a law firm, and already had my boss come down on me a few weeks ago so I was a little stressed!) W was needing to go quickly, as traffic [censored] and it was near 6.

I think I made myself a little mysterious. She didn't really learn anything about me, other than I seem to be in good spirits and I'm not dwelling on any loss. Again, as mentioned above, if she wanted a D she would've said so. My mind wandered about the change of address, but logic won out. She's not coming home anytime soon, she has to live somewhere. I need to work on a better response to "Do we have anything to talk about between us" though. I'm not thinking about it is OK (not great), but if I'm going to be seeing her drop off S this much it'll be get really stupid. "I'm not really ready to discuss" or "I don't think this is the right time to talk about anything" (because of the setting, time frame, etc) seem better.

Whew. Seeing her brought up feelings, but I'm not sad and I don't miss her. I think she has some feelings too, but more than anything really wants me to start pursuit. Although she's being more friendly and respectful towards me, I'm waiting for her to say something before I give out one morsel of info about how I feel. She's made changes, but they're all silly and superficial. What an afternoon lol

[albac]

You did well RSG keep it up.

Info think you have Better options when asked about R talks. For one I don't think she would ask the question of she didn't want to talk about it but if you shut it down so fast it will just scare her off.

Need to find a way to politely throw it back at her something like "I don't know, do we?" You want her to start it. Just my opinion could be wrong but it's what I would want.

[AndrewP]

I only dream of my WW talking to me at all but have a thought about this. What if instead of

Her: Anything else we need to talk about?
Me: No? About what?
Her: About us?
Me: No, I don't think so. I don't really think about it too much.
Her: OK.

it was

Her: Anything else we need to talk about?
Me: No? About what?
Her: About us?
Me: There's nothing that I have to say. Was there anything you wanted to say?

Or is that too aggressive.

[CT1118]

Her: Anything else we need to talk about?
Me: No? About what?
Her: About us?
Me: No, I don't think so. I don't really think about it too much.
Her: OK.

I don't drink much anymore, but virtual glass is raised in your direction "I don't really think about it too much" Fatality! (thinking everyone else played Mortal Combat as a kid?)

Whew. Seeing her brought up feelings, but I'm not sad and I don't miss her. I think she has some feelings too, but more than anything really wants me to start pursuit. Although she's being more friendly and respectful towards me, I'm waiting for her to say something before I give out one morsel of info about how I feel. She's made changes, but they're all silly and superficial. What an afternoon lol

Good work. [CT118 nodding his head in appreciation]

There is a level of dependency that you seem to enjoy that she needed you
Let her go on her journey.
You are on yours. And you are doing a great job. I think it will morph into something that "it is what it is"

cbtdad's statement got left behind, I wanted to bring it into the picture. Profound. He's right, I read it and realized that it was true of me. I am not the only one it applies to.

[RSG]

Haha! So you liked the I don't think about it much? After I said it I wish I had said something different, but I'm sure it's making her think. I didn't play much Mortal Kombat, but I sure know it. However, what I remember is hyduken LOL!!

I'm glad I was able to show her a stable, strong and confident man. What Coconut has said is so true. If they're actually interested, they'll keep coming. And CBT gives out some great advice. Yes, being needed is something I like. I didn't mention because of everything that happened this afternoon, but before I left work she told me she has an inner and outer ear infection. Before, when she mentioned possible HBP, I had no idea how to respond. Today? "I'm sorry to hear that" was the first thing that came to my head. Not what she wanted. "Meh. It's nothing" was her response. My usual H response would be, what did the Dr say, how do you feel, I'm sorry, etc etc.

Albac and Andrew, thanks for the feedback! Those are definitely things to keep in mind when she asks again. I def want to turn the conversation on her. There were a couple of reasons why I didn't want to get into a serious discussion today: Timing was so poor. One thing I gleaned from the DR book was "timing is everything." I wasn't in the frame of mind to have a productive conversation, so I kind of shut it down. Two, this is the FIRST time she's asked about the R since she sabotaged me at the park and said "we're separated." As Sandi has noted, WW's expect you to crumble when they show any kind of interest. That's not a strong man, that's a man they can control. I want to let her ask at least twice, possibly three times before I allow a conversation to start.

I'm still thinking about getting my own tattoo. I read that you can't go swimming after you get them, so I'm going to wait and make a final decision until around S birthday in early September. It'll just be his initials and birth date on my wrist, but it's a big deal for me. Always have what's important to me close by.

Three things for everyone to keep in mind:

1) I had no expectations.
2) I can now tell what's working. Being mysterious and keeping texts to a minimum, only about $$, logistics and S. Sticking with it, and trying to double down!
3) This is the hardest part. I'm on my journey, she's on hers. I like where I'm going, and who I am. She's doing her thing, and I can tell she's softening. I like the increased respect and toned down rhetoric. But that's just the tip of the iceberg! I need to see what's under the water!

[CT1118]

My usual H response would be, what did the Dr say, how do you feel, I'm sorry, etc etc.
I'm still thinking about getting my own tattoo. I read that you can't go swimming after you get them, so I'm going to wait and make a final decision until around S birthday in early September. It'll just be his initials and birth date on my wrist, but it's a big deal for me. Always have what's important to me close by.

But you are not the usual H and you know this. Banner day my friend, banner day.

Not related to DB, but my chest and shoulders are covered in tattoos. My advice is - move slow and pay money, I have nothing on me that was not worth it and I paid for the talent. No blue ink basement crap. You are correct, no water for two weeks after. Purchase Bacitraicin beforehand and spread it one the ink for a week after. Lastly, bring gatorade or mt dew with you during the session. Those are both gross drinks, but your body will need the sugar during the process. You think your WW could make you look like a weak man, passing out in the tat parlor would be worse.