The Fight for Self

[CT1118]

I finally did answer WW's school post. It was about a date of availability for a parent meeting. I just responded with my availability. WW called 15 minutes later, my cell was on my desk and I was out of office.

I got dressed for gym and ran from office to gym. Phone beeps indicating email, I am in a position of response for work, so I check. It was WW asking me to call her. I did and she answers. Hey, what's up?" WW "nothing, just wanted to see how you were doing"
Held my line, "I'm doing great, been very busy at work due to the increased work load. Not a bad thing, just been very busy"

Then WW goes into it - "I just feel like things have been very business like between us lately. I know we are in an awkward situation, but I want to know you are ok"

Me: "Yeah, well, like I said, very busy, but I feel really good about myself. Hope you are well yourself"

WW: "I'm not sure, like I said, this is awkward, and I just don't see why we can't...[at this moment I thought if she ends her statement with "be friends" I am going to flip the fk out, she didn't, it was just a pause]...I just don't want us to become strangers to each other. I think maybe now is not the time. Maybe we can make sometime time to talk when we are together?"

Me: "Yeah, I think that sounds right."

WW:"Ok, well, I hope you have a good rest of the day."

Me: "You too, bye".

So, that was it. What do you all think? And let me add, I have mentioned before how I have to go by WW's house to get S4 to school (yes I have to, its on a road to nowhere) and OM's truck was in her driveway this morning. Today, I feel like complete apathy. I am not to sure what to say to WW other than repeating the things I said three weeks ago "don't want to be your buddy, know you are w/OM and that means you don't get me as your H, you wanted space and so do I" etc...

The apathy is confusing me (big surprised right? an LBS is confused). I mean, I feel sometimes about as turned down and disconnected as I can be without choosing to let the last bits of usable feeling float downstream. But apathy is also mixing me up on when to turn up the personality a little bit. When I first started dimming the lights and behaving like I am now, I felt like I was faking my shortness and brief comments to act like I didn't want to speak with her. Confusion is now I don't feel like I am faking it, my behavior is real.