Pathway Change

[blueboy]

Did she come back just to be home.....or was she wanting to be your W again? If you don't know, then you need to be finding out!!

She ring me 30 time that day, and came looking for me at my dad's house, she went everywhere looking for me, when she found me she was in a state and was crying, told me she had made the biggest mistake of her life and wanted to fix our marriage.

I made conditions of NC with OM in any shape of from and made her message him to say it was over, no use of social media i.e. Facebook. NC with Friend who is have affair with OM friend. Complete access to her phone and any over password, she offered to let me track her location.

I tell LBH's all the time, you can't trust a W who has just started the process of coming out of her wayward mindset and reconciling the MR. That is why a transparent plan is so important. It is to help her as much as it is to verify that her actions line up with her words. My H had no clue about transparency, but since I had been the spouse who was on the DB board, I had learned about it. So, I volunteered transparency. It helped me, knowing he was following my computer activity. People tend to do the right thing when they are being observed. Until the WW has gone through the withdrawals of her addictive A.....she needs to be held accountable in some sort of way. Also, the H should check when the W has no idea he is checking. Not every day, but once in awhile.

She happy for me to look at her phone etc anytime, it never use to leave her side now she rare use it.

You are really wanting reassurance that she genuinely loves you and is truthful with you.

I think age; and how long the couple has been M; and how long the resentment & disrespect reigned in her heart....differentiates the time span of how quickly she is able to authentically do the things stated in

She ask to put her head on my chest when we sleep, says it make her feel secure, we have sex but she says she lack confidence because she feel tainted and not very good about herself.

I believe the heart/attitude of a wayward is not the same as some woman who left for other reasons. And, b/c her waywardness begins in her heart and mindset....that's the last to change, IMHO. I know it must be so excruciating for the LBS to hear that their WS has returned, but their feelings aren't in tune yet. It may take several months, even a couple of years before she her feelings are straighten out. It just depends on the individual person.

She says she is ashamed of herself, her actions and how she has hurt me and her family, she is very keen on attending church

I

You have to communicate to your W that hearing about the OM, his family, or anything connected to him.....is very painful for you. If it is a trigger, then tell her.

We missed a family wedding due to her affair and she said it was good we missed it, but then said the reason we missed it was dreadful, felt like say will we missed it because you were have sex with OM, but keep quite.

She talks about the future, I find myself thinking so what!!!

Not sure what you mean here. [/quote]

She talks about the future, i.e renewing vows, booking holiday etc, I just think so what talk is cheap

[/quote]
That is another reason for piecing being such a fragile time. Please, get professional counseling. Your M may not make it if you don't get help. [/quote]

I agree we need it and we need to sort it.