Have I been making mistakes too long part 9

[roist]

For now don't worry think about her coming back.nOW think about what is best for NOW in current circumstances.

Yes you are being used as a meal ticket. But I imagine the courts would oblige that anyway if ye divorce. I would separate the account though and pay your agreed amount into it. I don't like the way she overspends without mentioning it. Firstly it is selfish and lacks respect. Secondly she has no consequence financially for leaving you. Thirdly she is walking all over you.

If she decides she wants a rolls Royce or a world trip, she could.This is about protecting you and also about empowerment. You have enabled her control. Stop enabling it and take your power back. Be careful not to be over zealous.

The same for the keys, lawn mower etc. You stated it above.You don't want her in your house when you are not there. So why are you letting her?

I understand these are simple things for me to write and probably much harder to implement. Many of us here let our W's call the shots during the M. Look where that got us! This may be a big effort to change a long time habit, but you can do it.

If this is a big change for you, it will be HUGE for her. Expect her not to like it and to push back.Be prepared, be firm but stay calm. Maybe over time she will respect your actions, but this is first and foremost about YOU respecting YOU and ensuring others do likewise.

As for the bat call, go to a thread she is currently active on ( maybe coconuts), post in her validation thread, or simply start a new thread " bat call for Wonka".

Best wishes. I will add that many success stories here passed by this step and the WAS later admitted it contributed to changing their view of lbs.