10 Years Later - From a DB'er

[Surfer]

DonH.

Interesting to read your sitch. Whilst I am sorry to read about some of your history, in a way, I bounce between feeling horrid being here and also greatful for the journey. We would all rather not be but if DB gives you anything it gives you, understanding and therefore empathy for others. That can never be a bad thing. Anyway back to your sitch.

Having reflected on the above is it possible that you are scared of, or frustrated by, rejection? Perhaps the answer lies in your comments here - where they have not come back to your texts etc. It's frustrating you particularly when they say they 'are' interested at a later date - I get the 'WTH is with that point' BTW, but are you caring too much about what they think and do? Just put your cards down and show them - if they are not into your cards or the card game, fine. Not everyone will find you to be their Mr Perfect, you don't them - why would they?

RE: What you want. It's not so broad as being happy. I agree with at, but perhaps it might be as simple (even as narrow) as being with someone, in a relationship that works, that makes you feel secure in yourself. But the thing that comes across in your posts is 'them being happy' is not mentioned (i.e you caring that they are happy). If you are in DB you and your previous partner (or partners) have messed up. You haven't both made each other happy. I am as guilty as the next. DB'er personally and don't want to repeat that pattern. I want to make either my WW happy (if she is able and willing to change too) or someone more deserving than her. But they key is making 'her' happy (whoever that is) I think. BTW I am not naive enough to think my actions can make anyone happy permanently, but the little things can give a little boost and if done often enough. They really do help your connection. However, the negative things, if repeated enough, can do exactly opposite and fast. I think we all know this - I am probably therefore repeating this to myself here!

If you are not so secure in yourself right now - and this is coming across in the dating 'game' (and who is on here) the goal is surely to find that security in you first. An example here, reflecting on the above is being sufficiently secure that you really don't give a damn if they like you or not, when you talk to a lady. You give a damn about "them" and what they are telling you, as you are genuinely interested, but their reaction - if they are not interested - no you don't want to be 'interested' in that (to the point of upset or frustration due to rejection), just recognise their reaction and think okay, wrong hand or wrong card game, neither are in your control.

Maybell makes some pretty strong comments above. The one I like in particular is in the final para. You need to change your destination/journey. Are you doing cheeseless tunnels? More of the same - in terms of behaviour. It sounds like you are exacerbated by the same old same old. What about changing your approach.

Perhaps having no expectations and focusing on fun would be the simplest way to look at it. This all probably sounds terribly cliche DB stuff. But that's because when we give less of a hoot and have fun - we do just that and let's face it people like to be around people that are fun to be around.

Just thoughts.......hope they help a little.