Maybs - Pt2

[maybs]

For me not seeing or speaking to her is being "dark".

Detaching is something I could do even if we did see each other for me it's a bunch of different things:

-not letting her emotions/mood influence my mood - Ex: if she's angry and yelling/blaming me for things it's remaining calm and validating her feelings but not losing my cool.

-not wondering or caring what she's doing - Ex: when her A first started I was always checking the phone accounts and FB and whatever else and now I just don't even care to look.

-not wondering if/when she will notice my changes - understanding that the changes I'm making are for me to help me become a better person regardless of what she does/does not notice.

-not worrying about make her upset/angry with me - kind of goes with the first one - her mood doesn't influence me and doesn't control me. I'm not going to let her cake eat just because I'm afraid of "making things worse"

-understanding that things will get worse before there's a chance of them getting better and that it may never get better for us and that's okay.

-accepting my W for who/what she is. That doesn't mean I agree with all of her choices, it just means I accept that I can't change her, I can't make her do/feel anything. Also, I can't make her "see" what's going on. I can't tell her "hey you're having a MLC" and that's okay, she just needs to figure it out on her own.

For me it's more of a mindset that I'm doing this for me if it benefits our relationship cool, if not that's fine too and REALLY ACCEPTING that. It's one thing to say it but it's another thing to EMBRACE it.

My W doesn't have any influence over me or my attitude or my day. I wake up a live life for me and am GAL for me and am working on things for me.

Now obviously there are times when I suck at this, like over this past weekend. I wondered and worried and drove myself crazy over what she was doing and "did she miss me" and everything else. But, I got back on track and am back to focusing on me.

I don't know if that makes any sense.