NYGal, have you thought about what your boundaries are going to be for reconciliation? How much are you willing to accept in order to be with her? It doesn't sound like she is being very respectful of your feelings if she is not honoring the agreements she has made with you.
I agree with Painter...although I can certainly understand the negative feelings towards OW's predatory behavior, she is not your problem. A person who loves you and is truly committed is going to be loyal no matter who is showering them with attention. W is not making choices that display loyalty to you, but rather loyalty to her own wants and needs. Be careful about excusing her behavior as weakness, because that implies it's something she can't help. It's not a weakness...she is making willful choices.
What concrete action is W willing to take to demonstrate she is working on bettering herself? How has she agreed to work with you to improve your marriage so neither of you feel vulnerable to outside attention in the future? Words are not enough. Liars lie (and hide contact and meet up for secret lunches). She needs to show her commitment to you with actions. Beware when words and actions don't line up.
Remember, you are the prize. You shouldn't have to fight for someone to recognize your value or commit to you.
