NYGal: Together Again and Happy!

[EDF]

The possibility of my wife relapsing on the "addiction" and being in contact with OM is something that's on my mind quite a bit lately. I find myself day-dreaming "what if" scenarios... and have given some thought to what I might do if that happened. (I try to shut them down so I don't overly focus on the the negative possibilities, but the thoughts keep popping up.)

Anyway, I agree with darknes that the burden isn't on you to move past this or decide what the next steps are. I think that burden is on your W. That question - "what does moving forward look like for you?" - is very relevant in the sense that that is exactly what your W needs to answer for you. And your only real responsibility is to take it a day at a time and see if what she is doing is good enough to win you back, possibly with pointers to help her refine what she is doing as things move forward.

It is totally appropriate if you want to set some minimum standards or expectations, but in your shoes I would want to see just what my W is willing to do to win me back, and how she plans to try and win back my trust after going back on her NC commitment.

It is really easy for anyone to agree to terms someone else put together without really thinking about it, but asking them to put themselves in your shoes and put together a plan for how they plan to win you back shows a lot more effort, and you're worth it! If they aren't willing to put effort into that, then you need to be prepared to move forward without them until they realize what they lost.