Keep Wearing Wedding Band?

[AndrewP]

I have been tempted and curious what influence my W's family and friends could have on her. Early on I had some expectation that they'd impart some wisdom

Would you care to list some of those stupid mistakes you avoided?

Well the mistakes made outnumber the mistakes avoided not enough space and time for that. One "huge" mistake I perhaps made was thinking that WW's brother whose marriage had survived his affair might "talk sense into her". She had wanted to talk to him and I "facilitated" them getting together. He told her to have fun and do whatever she wanted and that affairs and divorce were perfectly normal and that I had no say in what she did in her life. He's also the person that helped W gut the house of antiques and heirlooms. I had forgotten that the only reason he went back to his W was when he found out that she had money saved away that he didn't know of. From what I can tell he jumps when she cracks the whip these days.

Mistakes my friend helped me avoid - mostly mistakes he made himeself ...
- Keep my temper no matter the provocation.
- Jumping to rash ultimatums. The first draft of a letter that I composed to W asking for her to reconcile (I know backwards) had a specific deadline of 48 hours for her to decide to stay or GTFO.
- Don't make rash decisions especially around finances or marital property. From personal experience he told me how much pain that cost him in court.
- Don't go looking for a replacement for W - just complicates things
- Think about each and every communication and how it would look in court and possible ways that it could be misconstrued. This includes texts, emails and even posting on forums like this. Bored law clerks live for juicy divorce cases. I'm sure this site gets searched regularly.

The key thing that he has said to me though is that he feels that I am the "better man" because I have remained true and loyal and have always treated W with respect and courtesy even when she didn't deserve it.

Hope that helps.