I have read through your thread... I don't have anything to offer for thoughts, so I didn't post anything. I feel for you, and I can imagine that where you are at is probably where my M would have ended up if I stayed with my W (and if she hadn't thrown in the OFP grenade.) I hope you find total happiness somewhere, somehow.
I am curious where you have heard about all the new R's you refer to in your post? This forum or somewhere else, or stories you have heard in person?
I think the biggest issue for GF is her past relationships. She is fully able and willing to live on her own. She is strong and intelligent, and self sufficient. But she has never met anyone that truly wants her to be the best she can be... that is what I want for her, I get a hidden benefit, the better she feels about herself, the better she will be with me. There is no reason to want to change her. She doesn't want to change me. We compliment each other in every way, and balance each other even with our differences.
GF being willing to wait isn't an issue. She tells me she is ready whenever I am ready, she trusts me to decide when it is the right time for me, and for us. "I" am the one who is in a hurry.
I want to get on with my life. I want her to live with me sooner rather than later. As long as she has her own place, it is the gathering point for GF and her D17 and D19. As long as she has stuff there, it will reduce the amount of time she/they are at my house. As long as it remains the gathering point, GF has responsibilities there (laundry, cleaning, upkeep), reducing that time even more.
As long as she has her own place, we have double expenses. I have more than enough space for them.
Her D19 is staying with her own BF most of the time, and is completely moving out for college this fall. Her D17 said just last night she is ready to start moving her stuff to my place.
I feel a little stuck, my house is somewhat empty, and why would I buy a bunch of furniture, when GF will just be moving hers in at some point. Sure, we can resell hers or mine, but buying and selling takes time. I also don't have the available money right now.
GF said she won't move in with me until we are M'd. And I honestly can't blame her. She will be giving up a lot of her own security by selling her place and dumping the equity into mine, it wouldn't be fair to her.
I don't know what to think about the whole "codependent" issue. Are there R's that don't have any codependency? I'm sure there are. I'm sure those people are the same ones who are scared to death of commitment, or ones who would rather be alone then in a R, or would rather spend time with friends than a significant other. If that is what makes them happy, good for them.... hopefully their SO is in agreement, otherwise their R isn't going to last long either.
Where's the line between being best friends with your SO, and being dependent on them? If I were given a choice of someone who will be my best friend and SO, or someone who prefers to do their own thing all the time, I know which I will pick. Every time. No matter how long I am single. No matter how much I heal. I'm not going to heal "out of" wanting that, or accepting that because nothing else is available. I am envious of people who have the closeness, I wonder why some people are M'd at all when they do nothing together. I miss that closeness I had with xW. GF is similar, though definitely more independent than xW. Many people I have talked to have said they think all R's have some codependence.
So, I find myself living in fear again. Fear of a codependent relationship? Or fear of having one that does not have closeness? Fear of not understanding the difference? Or just plain fear of what other people think? That they will think I am codependent? Is this why I am entering into another serious R so soon? Or is lack of codependence the reason I
