I do want to say that I seen my first real DR practice create some noticeable reactions from my W. This past week, I been going dim (it was a lot easier as I was away on a biz trip), but on the weekends doing GAL activities which is not my norm. My W in the evening comes in and wants to talk about our living situation for S, again asking if this should be in-house or S houses. I just spoke in a calm understanding voice that whatever works best for you and a transition that would be best for our kids. She again stated it would make the most economical sense to stay home.
W mentioned I know you want to S, because you want to move on. I stated yes, I do want to move on and do what's best for me, kids and you, but that doesn't mean to S or D. W stated it appeared that with all my texting and going diff places, that maybe I may of found a person. I mentioned, those texts were from my group of people that are friends and support. I told her in a very calm voice that I have never and will not violate my marriage vows until I think our MR is over. I asked in diff ways is that what you have now, she told me multiple ways, NO I don't have OM or an EA. (Don't trust 100% of what she's saying and 50% of her actions). W asked what do I want, I told her I want us to make an effort on our MR for a possible R. I had 3 conditions with your effort 1) MC 2) no other man 3) we sleep in the same room (for the sake of normalcy). I said in return I will still give you space, give you balance if you need to leave for a day I'm OK, because of trust. I want us to do this for 90 days and we can reevaluate from there. W comments wont do MC, because she doesn't want to bring up wounds and 90 days is to long. W suggested 30 days and then evaluate. My suggestions you might want to start IC t deal with your pain, and 30 days really is just a blip and this is something we both need to take time with.
W kept saying if I do this it would only be for you, kids or I would be going through the motion. My comment back is that then don't do it, because its not going to work. Part of the discussion also included, she has seem such remarkable changes w/me both how I am, interaction, calmness, and physically how I've changed. Made a comment that you will be a catch for some other person. I could tell she was conflicted as to what she thinks she wants and what her logical/reasoning part of her mind is telling her. W ended by saying, let's discuss when I get back from my trip. I have a GAL trip and won't be back till next Sunday.
Based on that conversation, I don't have high expectations my W will agree. However some positive signs: 1) DR: GAL, 180 and dimming works and W notices 2) W admits good and positive changes 3) W has (some) conflict in her mind as to wanting to S/D 4) W claims no OM
My plan is to go dim on GAL trip, not pursue and ask about answer - let her bring it up, continue my GAL at home, continue to 180, continue to validate, and new one "as-if" my wife is going to stay home in one form or fashion.
Leaving this week will be good, because she will have the kids all weekend and she will recall how difficult it is to be alone w/kids, plus she may miss me. I also told her I will be leaving away for the following weekend on a friendly GAL trip.
These are all baby steps for W and I know it will be a long haul. The thing that gets me is that she constantly tells me "Not in Love w/You" she has but up such blockers that I don't is she can ever really bring them down to give me a fair opportunity to make amends.
