And for some WW/MLC (it seems from reading here), the practical realities of a D is a wake up call for them, and that triggers a reconsideration of the D. But I have zero expectation that my W would do that. And it seems consistent to me. Because WW/MLC is not about someone being rational -- a WW/MLC has become unhinged, and is madly pursuing her emotional cravings, while running away from the suffocation of a rational, stable, negotiated partnership with a H. Right? So why would the economic consequences of a D wake up a WW/MLC? No, I expect it to just make my W more contemptuous of me.
All of these realizations/expectations about my W ... they don't help me feel any better for my kids. They are deeply family-oriented kids, and it will shatter their world to be told that we are splitting up.
You know, number 6 of the 37? Don't discuss w/ family & friends - this is your fight. I think you got that. I still feel like you are mind reading/predicting what WW will do per the quotes above. The realizations when studying about MLC or WW or anything else are not to help you get your W back - only to facilitate a basis of understanding for your own knowledge. WW's will not make sense, I believe you understand that, so drop expectations. Dropping expectations is not losing hope. Do not predict what she will do.
You are the one who has to be better for your kids. You feeling better will help them feel better.
I share this with you...this morning I met with IC. I told her that my number one concern in my life right now was for me and for my own well-being. She said "you have a son, please expand this idea." I told her that by putting my well-being and health first I would not only be able to meet and exceed the needs of my son, both as a father and a male role model. That taking care of me would not only be my greatest gift to myself, but to him as well. She agreed and said she just wanted to know how I arrived at the statement.
That said, nothing alleviates the pain we feel for our kids my brother. We just have to keep being the best we can be as an example for them to learn from. They will one day be old enough to decide for themselves what really happened - it is the example we lead by today that will make all of the difference in the world tomorrow.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
