Detaching.....nearly there..

[Surfer]

So kids are still on holiday. Spoke to them briefly this morning. W just passes phone over, no talking, didn't really mind that but looking back I do. I need to stop this though I am only hurting myself.

It still feels so hard that she chooses her (wayward) friends and their H's to be with to holiday with our children. These friends being the ones she was with when she was hitting the bars and hitting on OM. I don't get it at times.

D8 was telling me (on speakerphone so W could hear) how she wished we were all there but "that's not going to happen" - W has perhaps told her this. I said don't worry about that you just focus on having fun. We'll have fun when you get back too & don't worry about what will or will not happen, nobody knows what will happen just relax and have fun.

Frankly I keep thinking about jacking this whole joke in - I feel trapped. For the last 6 - 7 years I have had to put up with this alien (prior at times). "It" recently took £30k or so out of a savings account to rent a place. I set up this account for her (not it) and has access to a further £45. I can't stop this disappearing over time without getting a D going - also still paying her a monthly allowance. The rest is locked down, but I just feel I don't really want a D so perhaps that's the price to pay for waiting out her fog...just feels like major cake eating.

I just can't see her really suffering loss at the absence of her LBH if she has access to money, holidays, friends etc. From what I read from Sandi, without this loss she is unlikely to change. Unless I am missing something here.