Problem in my case is that since I found out about the affair, she has been very open and transparent about most of it (maybe more than she should be).
Unless she is working toward reconciliation and repairing the MR, I really think her being open and transparent about what she and OM are doing in their A is NOT appropriate. I would strongly encourage you to stop her from discussing details between them, if the A is still going on. Unless, and until, the time comes that she is willing to work on the M, it's disrespectful of her to discuss the woes of her infidelity with the one she's cheating on.
That's JMHO, and maybe I am not understanding everything.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
