Lost at the moment (2)

[lfm]

Thanks Sandi.

Problem in my case is that since I found out about the affair, she has been very open and transparent about most of it (maybe more than she should be). While she has expressed remorse at times, she has never really indicated that she wants to end the A. Sounds like the OM is the one pushing for this agreement that if they are going to proceed they need to do it right.

The one good thing that seems to be happening with the current situation is that he continues to pursue her even though he is the one that said they shouldn't proceed the way things are. She has indicated that this is pushing her away from him. However, I know she is deep, deep, deep in the addiction at this point and it's going to take a lot to get her to admit that she needs to stop the A.

I'm doing my best to try not to get pulled into the drama of the day, but it's difficult. She seems to be very good at dropping breadcrumbs at the moments that I'm ready to completely walk and be done, and foolishly I allow myself to get sucked back in. I need to continue to work on this, as it's only causing me unecessary pain.

I think I mentioned earlier in this thread that it's funny how we think we're dettaching and dropping the rope, but then something happens that [censored] us back in and we realize that we weren't as far down that path as we thought.

At this point, I'm continuing to dettach, trying to get everything in order to file for D. I am still conflicted on wether that's what I want or not, so need to spend some more time thinking about that while I'm out for a run or working in the yard.

Anyway - Happy Monday all and have a great week!